Escape to the Future

If you've read my blog enough and you know me personally, you'll realise that I like to do a lot of daydreaming about the future. To be honest, I really do it to escape the unpleasant reality of the present.

Today, I went to one of the university on-campus housing facilities to pick up some stuff. I had to wait for about an hour for a friend of mine to be free so that I could pick up some other stuff from her place when she got home. So, I didn't bother leaving. I remained parked in front of the halls of residence and tried to do a bit of reading up for surgery. Fun as that was, I couldn't help looking up and watching people go about their business in their buildings. Almost instantly I was warped into a daydream once more...wishing, dreaming, wondering what it must be like to be living away from home...independently, for the most part. I know the day will come when I will undoubtedly have these experiences myself and I tend to look forward to it a lot.

That's not to say that I'm extremely miserable and unhappy here. Surely, I'm not at the brim of the happiness jar...I'd say it's about a 1/3 full. There are the goods and the bads and the happys and the sads, the advantages and the disadvantages to each way of life. I know I'll have the experience of both but I'm a little tired of the repetitiveness of my university. 

I don't really think about how I'll escape my labyrinth. I think about having escaped it already. The how isn't an issue, so much so than the when. Regardless, since starting clinical rotations, I've been so busy that these thoughts come to me less and less but the desire to leave will never go away.

Chronically Fatigued

Medical school. Clinical years = chronic fatigue. Or so it feels so far. I've only been doing this for three weeks and I'm tired of it. I'm not sure if it's the environment or the people I work with, but I'm just not finding much joy in what I've had to do so far. I'm relatively sure it's not the patients though! Like I said before, a lot of it has been ultimately frustrating and infuriating. There are hardly any highlights to my extremely long days at the hospital.

This is the pivotal mid-way point of my 5-year degree. I'm halfway through to getting my Bachelor in Medicine & Surgery. In part, I feel like the past 2.5 years has flown by faster than the Enterprise at warp speed but at the same time i can't help feeling that time isn't moving quickly enough. Over the past 48 hours, I've been feeling very much like I can't wait for the end of medical school to come. I can't wait to graduate, obtain my degree and complete my 12-month internship. I look forward so much to a future in naturopathic medicine. All my hopes and dreams and prayers are in leaving Barbados to get that degree at Bastyr University.

Of course, I could just be feeling this way because I'm not enjoying my Surgery clerkship very much. Maybe it's because I feel discouraged as much as I feel encouraged. Or maybe it's my hormones and I'm getting emotional for nothing. I'll probably be able to tell you in a week or two when surgery is over and I start a new clerkship in Internal Medicine. Although, to be honest, I'm not satisfied with the service I've been assigned to for surgery. I don't feel like I'm being taught very much when I hear about the teaching that happens in other services. Of course, I should try learning the information on my own, but these things tend to stay with me better under pressure. From what I hear, that pressure's going to be pounding me from all sides from day 1 of my medicine clerkship.

I'm chronically fatigued. In a 4-week clerkship, I only got 2 days off and took a sick day. That's 24 days of being at the hospital for a 4-week clerkship from 7 am until...anytime. I generally spend about 8-11 hours at the hospital most days and approximately 15-16 hours there for on-call days (which are every 4 days). I've gone from sleeping up to 8 hours to sleeping up to 6; from sitting in a lecture theatre all day to standing and walking all over the wards and hospital. Such a drastic lifestyle change, how could I not be constantly tired? I pray it gets better.

Ignorance Is Damaging!

"You don't know that you don't know."

This is one of my surgery consultant's favourite lines.

To be honest, he doesn't know that he doesn't know anything about natural medicine. That coconut water has some very healthy properties. That cod liver oil doesn't make gallstones but prevents them. He teaches his patients and students wrongly when they ask about simple natural products and supplements. Too bad for him. I know better.

That's all I'll say here. You can read more about this and a bit more about cod liver oil on my natural health blog: here.

On The Feet

My poor feet. They hurt. My heels hurt. The balls of my feet hurt. It hurts. So much walking. So much. I've been walking up and down between 3-4 floors for at least 6 hours a day...on a light day. My tibialis anterior aches...there's a first (of many firsts since starting this surgery clerkship). Oh well, it's excellent exercise so I can't complain. Honestly, there really shouldn't be any doctors of size in surgery due to all the walking we do. Our consultant still has a bit of a belly though and he walks the wards like nothing. But then, he's got years of practice on his feet. Gotta learn how to stand and walk properly.

I haven't really done much since Monday. Yesterday I sat in on out-patient appointments so, thankfully, I got to sit...albeit I sat for 5 hours and went right through the lunch hour (resulting in me growing hungry around midday, to remain that way until I had the luxury of time for food...which was when I returned home after 5). Today, for the first time this week, I was able to have some time to myself and ate lunch at 1:30! I must be learning some degree of control over my hunger reflexes since I really wasn't hungry until I got to the hospital cafeteria to see and smell the food...then I was hungry. I could be wrong, but only time will tell. I didn't get only 1 hour for food, I got 3 hours of free time! Naturally, I sat in the cafeteria and studied up on hernias.

I learn a lot on the wards when I listen to people present cases and answer the consultant's questions...so much so that some of it's lost along the way. This is why I make note of stuff I need to read up on (most urgently) as the day goes by. That, by the way, would encompass a lot of reading and a whole lot of brushing up on the anatomy I learnt 2 years ago. 

On Sunday, if I get a chance, I'd like to sit and simmer in a nice little bubble bath. That sounds just spiffy!

Back to the books!

Day One

It's all fun and games until it's real-life.

My feet hurt. My back hurts. I'm sleepy. I have case notes to write up and present tomorrow, so I'm told. I have stuff to read up on. I'm sleepy.

To summarise my first day in real-life medicine (surgery clerkship):
I attended an occupational health workshop in which I learnt to properly wash my hands.
Due to the workshop ending at 12:30 pm, I had to rush to the hospital to meet with my surgery clerkship coordinator at 1:00 pm. No lunch. No snacks. Nothing since breakfast at 8:00 am.
I met a couple of persons on the surgical team to which I was assigned. I discovered my team is on call.
I removed sutures and observed a urinary catheterisation and IV set up.
I missed the usual dinner time and still had no snacks. No solid food since breakfast at 8:00 am.
I watched and recorded an intern clerk a patient.
I stared at two patient X-ray films and tried to decipher them.
I left the hospital at 9:30 pm, arrived home and ate at 9:50 pm, finally.

Honestly, I'm surprised I even made it through the day with nothing but breakfast and some occasional sips of water. See how important they must be? And I was walking up and down between 3 floors all afternoon too. Between the wards and A & E. Maybe tomorrow, if I find time, I can be more detailed with my thoughts. Anyways, that's the day in a nutshell. I may have said this before: I'm sleepy.

Now, I have to go write up some case from today and head to bed. I'll have to save the fun reads till tomorrow, you know, before post-call ward rounds at 7:30 am.

Ah boy, did I mention that I'm sleepy?

SocialVibe: Support A Charity!

If you've visited my blog before, you may have noticed something new (apart from the new post of course). I've added a widget in the sidebar from a website called SocialVibe which I recently joined.

SocialVibe is a website that allows you to support your favourite charities without having to actually spend money. By completing and sharing activities by sponsors with friends you can help support a cause. The sponsors will donate to your charity of choice and you'll have done a good deed!

Please, help support my choice charity! It's Hunger & Poverty which gives its donations to a number of organisations like Charity: Water and The UN World Food Programme.

Did you know that every six seconds a child dies from hunger, malnutrition and other hunger-related causes! So, give the widget in my sidebar a click to help support this cause so that the children who need it most can be fed.

Thank you!

EDIT: I decided to remove the widget but you can still help out here!

SocialVibe: Support A Charity!

If you've visited my blog before, you may have noticed something new (apart from the new post of course). I've added a widget in the sidebar from a website called SocialVibe which I recently joined.

SocialVibe is a website that allows you to support your favourite charities without having to actually spend money. By completing and sharing activities by sponsors with friends you can help support a cause. The sponsors will donate to your charity of choice and you'll have done a good deed!

Please, help support my choice charity! It's Hunger & Poverty which gives its donations to a number of organisations like Charity: Water and The UN World Food Programme.

Did you know that every six seconds a child dies from hunger, malnutrition and other hunger-related causes! So, give the widget in my sidebar a click to help support this cause so that the children who need it most can be fed.

Thank you!

Out of the classrooms and into the clinics

The time has come for me to step out of the comfort shoes I've worn for years into newer, less comfortable ones...from the comforts of classroom teaching to the mesh of real-life learning. This semester marks the transition into a new book of my life: real-life medicine. It's not all about grades and textbooks anymore. It's about what you know and your work ethic.

I'm terrified of what's to come. I know what to expect but at the same time, I don't. I'm slightly overwhelmed at the prospect of what's to come and slightly excited. There's so much to learn. The old study habits now have to go away, for good this time. If I intend to be the doctor I want to be, there's no room for bad study habits. I've walked this far now, there's no turning back.

Naturally, this calls for quite a bit of prioritising and sacrificing. I've done this already so I'm not so far behind. It's time to put these goals into practice. Once successful, Facebook should become obsolete and Twitter should be rarely visited. I'll still be around, just not quite like before. Computer time should generally be reduced and I've virtually already cut off instant messaging unless the need arises for its use. Things are gonna be a bit different with the way I'm schooled now as move into the clinical years of medical school and my lifestyle needs to be adjusted accordingly.

Of course, I'd never give up my complementary & alternative health blog for as long as I can help it! I'm going to try posting every 4 days, if possible. So, be sure to keep up there. Natural medicine is my passion, I couldn't possibly give up on the source that keeps me searching for new information in the field as I prepare myself for a degree in naturopathic medicine (most preferably at Bastyr University!). Blogging is a fun temporary escape from the throws of life so I'll still be posting here as well! =)

The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. ~ Samuel Johnson