Reminiscing New Life

"I changed a diaper today and fed a newborn. I love paediatrics." ~ Facebook status. Not mine.

I'm not a big fan of paediatrics. In fact, once upon a time, I wanted to do paediatrics. 40 hours of volunteering on the paediatric ward prior to applying to medical school and I knew it was not something I wanted to do...anymore. After spending a 4 week rotation on paediatrics...it's not...awful.

Regardless, that Facebook status made me recall my time on Obstetrics & Gynaecology delivering babies. On our paediatrics rotation, we spend some time on the neonate ward...examining babies and getting little activities signed off our little procedure cards, like changing a diaper and feeding. The thought of examining babies brought back memories of examining babies just as they had popped out of their mommas.

And then, it hit me.

I brought lives into the world. Me!

Birth isn't pretty. This one actually looks pretty good though.

I know I'm about 2 months late on this realisation, but I've reached it nonetheless. I was just suddenly overwhelmed by the emotion of having aided a new life in its entry into the modern world of light, colour, temperature, sounds and food. This did register with me before, but I never really sat down to think about it. At the time, I was merely concerned with getting all my signatures for all my deliveries. I didn't stop to smell the roses, so to speak.

Now that I've found the time to reminisce on those experiences, I'm in as much awe in myself as everyone else. 

*Pats self on back*

Picking a Specialty

"What do you want to specialise in?" 

A question posed by many...from the stranger on the street to the supervising consultant. As a medical student, everyone wants to know where our interests lie.

At this point in our lives as a medical student, the answer to that question is going to be either clear and stated or, as is the case of the majority, "I'm still not sure but I'm considering -X-, -Y- and -Z-." Many individuals in my class are well aware of my interest in pursuing 'alternative medicine'. But in an environment where alternative practices are considered phony, I choose not to tell most people what I really intend to do with my preferred practice and, so, my medical student answer to the big specialty question falls with the majority's.

I just completed my elective at home in Anaesthesia & Intensive Care, chosen because of all the clerkships I've completed, it was the only one that could capture my attention the past year. It also had the advantage of exposing me to many things that I would encounter during my final year without imposing a great demand of my time during my elective period. Turns out that my choice in doing it was a good one! So good in fact, that if I were to continue in conventional medicine, it would be in this specialty. Interesting, too, because it's got a lot of focus on the use of drugs but I prefer the ICU setting where the drugs are really just emergency short-term drugs. If there's anything I can appreciate in allopathic medicine, it is the appropriate use of drugs and their short-term effects that help save lives in emergency situations. The long-term use of many drugs, I don't really like.

So, my new reply has been formulated by the impression of my time in Anaesthesia & Intensive Care:

"I'm really interested in Anaesthesia & Intensive Care."

I wouldn't really be doing it but it's no lie that my interest is in it. 

What I want to study: Naturopathic Medicine.
What I intend to do: Integrative Medicine...a practice binding 'conventional' with 'alternative'.

If I got a buck for every time I've been asked the specialty question, I'd probably be able to purchase a Music Factory, Spring Edition 2012 ticket...with a couple dollars to spare...for AnimeKon? =)

Choose what grasps your heart and mind most. That way, you can enjoy it. 

Destructive Fun. Drink Responsibly.

Whoever said that fun had to be a destructive past-time?

What's worse than watching on as the people you love destroy their bodies slowly but surely being unable to stop them from what they deem to be fun? Well, I'm sure there are some things that are worse. I guarantee you though, when you try to warn them but they refuse to listen, all you can feel is heartbroken.

The result of a long night of 'fun': feeling groggy and tired with headaches, nausea and vomiting. That's the definition of 'feel-good' isn't it? Wrong. That's the definition of your body's rejection to your night time activity. And if you're not listening to me, you sure aren't going to be listening to your body either.

Now, I never once suggested stopping altogether. A little self-control would make me happy.

Alcohol abuse is a major problem within our society and yet it isn't viewed in such a way because it's considered the social 'norm'. People aren't often fazed by the effects of chronic alcohol consumption or even binge drinking because they have no idea just how badly it affects their body. Sure, it may appear as if some people escape the repercussions but you don't really know the inner workings of another's body, do you?

The excuse of "I hardly drink so there's no harm in getting drunk" is no excuse at all. Because when people think alcohol abuse, they only ever seem to think 'cirrhosis' but did you know that cirrhosis is irreversible and is the last thing that happens before your liver eventually gives out? Did you know that you may not even get to the point of cirrhosis if you manage to die of alcohol poisoning first?

Alcohol poisoning is a medical emergency. If you miss the symptoms, the result could be death. And binge drinking is the main cause of it.

A good pamphlet on Alcohol Poisoning. Click photo to enlarge.

I'm not hiding my concern about this newfound lifestyle some of my dearest friends have developed. I may come off as the party-pooper, the boring one, the one who's trying to stop all their fun. I know many others share a similar concern with a friend or loved one...be it alcohol, drugs, tobacco or any other substance.

Never hesitate to voice your concerns.

And if you find yourself to be guilty of a lack of control with your liquor, be considerate of your friends. They're concerned for your life.

Don't let your youth be an excuse for you to die young. Drink Responsibly.

Doctors Make Mistakes

Here's an amazing speech made by Brian Goldman, a doctor, on the fact that doctors make mistakes and how it should not be a shameful thing to admit.

We're all human. We're not robots, we'll all make mistakes at some point. Heck, even technology itself can make errors.

Doctors are always placed on this high pedestal, being regarded as the ones who know all there is to know about healing people. They don't. They'll never know all there is to know because there's just. too. much. There's a reason why there are specialties and subspecialties in medicine. No single person could know everything. Yet society throws expectations at doctors: you've gotta be perfect at what you do.

Knowing it all still won't make an imperfect being, perfect. Why toss out an unmeetable expectation towards people? By doing so, these individuals are then unable to deal with their mistakes in a healthy manner, accept them and move forward. It becomes near impossible to admit mistakes.

Unfortunately, the world has become such that a doctor's mistake, be it large or small, is rewarded with a lawsuit. Oh boy.

I understand the considerable value of human life. Doctors do all they can to help. They do what they can with the power they have. But doctors are not gods. Or demi-gods. 

Doctors are humans. Just like you, and your brother/sister, and your best friend, and the waitress at your favourite food place, and the homeless man in the city. Doctors are imperfect beings striving for perfection. In the same way you work your hardest to do what you do as perfectly as possible, doctors are no different. So then, why treat them as if they're something they're not?

If I could just wiggle my nose and heal someone, I would. Alas! I am but a mere human working with just my hands, my mind and man-made inventions.

Forgive me if I am unable to be the perfect being you expect.

Medical School Was Not Meant To Be Easy

Here I am...rapidly coming towards the end of my penultimate year of medical school and, you know what? I couldn't feel any less prepared for my final year. I'm sure I've said this before but being in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit this rotation has made me realise this even more. Don't get me wrong. I'm loving my time in SICU and I'm learning so much but I'm also learning just how much I can't remember! And what I do remember, I have much difficulty bringing across verbally. That information would flow ever so smoothly on any writing surface. Gosh.

But graduating from medical school was never meant to be a simple feat to accomplish. Here are some reasons (in no particular order) why:

• Overcoming your own drawbacks.

I've had two major personality clashes with this career path: shyness and quietness. Over the past three years, I've been able to conquer the dominating shyness but, as I've never been much of a talker, putting my thoughts across verbally has always been a bit difficult and still poses a problem...a rather large one at that. I've got only one more year to get past that hurdle.

• The sheer volume of information.

There are so many aspects of medicine that need to be covered before graduation and these are found within each system of the body. Of course, there's a reason why there are so many clinical specialties in the field. Not a single person can know ALL there is to know in medicine, however, as students, we're expected to know about...90% of ALL there is to know. Actually, I've been told that in this career, you're peak knowledge is in the months before the final FINAL examination...you know, the one that either ends with you becoming Dr. _____ or not.

• Learning a new language.

Medicine is a language all by itself. Just the other day one of my closest friends who's studying law said to me, "Do you guys speak and write in code like they do on E.R.?" It sounds like the silliest question since, to me, it's normal everyday language but it's easy (at this point) to forget that it was a language I was trained into. My vocabulary has drastically been expanded, including all sorts of new and exotic words like ipsilateral, phaeochromocytoma and craniopharyngioma down to all sorts of abbreviations. There are words that make you stumble over your own tongue and then there are words like "bleb". Yes, that's actually a medical term. A bleb is exactly what it sounds like. A bleb. Learning medicine is a lot like learning Latin...after all, many terms are based off of Latin words.

• Developing an entirely new lifestyle.

Straight up: lots more studying than ever before (cramming is hardly helpful in the long run...and medicine is about having the knowledge for the long run), eating less, sleeping less. Once upon a time, I was a crammer. In a way, I still am. I've been trying to get rid of that terrible habit...but lifelong habits are difficult to just wean off of. But I don't really have a choice. The typical life of a medical student includes very little sleep...admittedly, I refuse to accept this unless I'm on call and so far sleeping 7 hours a night has done me absolutely no harm over the past 4 years. Eating habits don't really change a whole lot until clinical years when your eating times become wonky because ward rounds or clinic go from 9 AM to 2 PM without a lunch break, followed by many other activities which may leave you hungry until you get "lunch" at 5 PM. I've developed a new eating habit to prevent afternoon starvation and it's doing my stomach great justice.

• Taking responsibility for lives.

As a student in clinical years, you begin to take responsibility for patients becoming integrated as part of the medical team (albeit the lowest life-form existing on the team, but you're on the team nevertheless). The team's patients are our patients and we're expected to bear responsibility for everything we do and say to our patients.

• The vicious circle of learning A.K.A. embarrassment.

"Come to the hospital every day expecting to be embarrassment and embrace it." ~ Kind words from a consultant in Anaesthesiology. Embrace the embarrassment. The learning curve as a medical student is much like a loop, moreso than a curve. You learn something, spew it out confidently and get shot down like it's hunting season. Every now and then, you get a little positive encouragement. Confidence is something that's vital in medical school but not something you can feel on a continuous spectrum. Wouldn't want you getting over-confident and cocky before you even get the big degree, would we?

• Losing friends.

If you're friends are true friends, you won't lose them...you'll just spend a lot less time with them and they'll understand and accept that. And if they can't, they just...drift away over time. Even if you can't hang out often, keeping in contact is usually enough to keep a good friendship intact. I feel blessed to still have my secondary school friends with me in my life (I've known some of them for 10 years!) and I've become even closer to one or two of them despite the distance/lack of time. Be sure to keep your true non-med friends! They help you retain your sanity through the stress and hectic lifestyle of the medical career. And of course, you're gonna make new friends throughout your medical career (which starts the moment you enter medical school).

• Having less "me" time.

A lot of things are sacrificed in the name of good grades and graduation. Many things you once liked to do eventually get pushed aside. Hobbies and interests are reduced to the bare minimum, if not discarded altogether. Gym time? It's there if you make the time but you won't want to be hanging out in there quite as often. Those TV shows you love watching? Don't expect to catch them on television. Admittedly, I've given myself quite a lot of 'me' time over the past 4 years but with this final year coming, those necessary sacrifices will have to be made. So far, I've already reduced my anime/manga intake drastically. In the very near future, I'm going to have to cut it out almost entirely. Once the ongoing manga series I'm reading are complete, that'll be the end of my manga-reading years. Anime...might still have a chance. Primetime TV? Gonna have to cut down on the number of shows and watch what I miss online when I get a chance (during a lunch break or something maybe?). Oh, and say bye bye to Facebook!


I'll admit that I'm a bit of a hypocrite...I crammed my way through most of medical school but after a certain point, cramming fails you and in the long-term, you look like an idiot because you don't remember anything. I managed to keep up a proper study routine for one semester and it turned out to be the best semester I've had in terms of grades: all A's. Unfortunately, that trend never continued.

I'm planning to make those sacrifices I mentioned by the time my 5th year rolls around, not suddenly of course, because that wouldn't end successfully. As for my new eating regimen...well, I can go through that another time.


If you're not in medicine, you may be thinking that the points I've made apply to you as well. Naturally, they aren't unique to medicine but the experiences themselves are what make medicine as difficult as it is...and they're also what make medicine as wonderful as it is.

Intensive Care

Remember last year when I applied to Hong Kong for my elective in Anaesthesia & Intensive Care? It wasn't long before I received an email from them asking me to change or extend my dates since they clash with the wonderful Lunar New Year holidays which I successfully managed to do. But then it wasn't until 2 months and 2 consecutive emails later did I finally get a response about my application processing. They decided that they were full and would not take me. I went through all kinds of trouble and got my Dean's permission and everything for...THAT?!

Needless to say, I was not amused.

Well, the time period for my elective has finally arrived. And, I'm certainly not in Hong Kong. In fact, I'm at home in Barbados doing the elective in the same said specialty. My first week in is nearly through but I must say I've had a fine time so far. Quite happy that I chose to do it again. I've actually spent a lot more time in intensive care (the past three days) with only one day in the operating theatre and I like it there.

Looks nothing like this in Barbados :)

I'm learning so much because I see more diverse cases that I can really read into and come back to apply my knowledge the next day. In anaesthesia, not so much...unless we're talking about the medications used in anaesthesia. Spending time in the surgical intensive care unit exposes me to much much more that I can actually apply later on. I've got good working times as well, ending my days at a timely 4 pm, mostly. It's true that more action happens at night, as everything typically worsens when night comes along, but I don't plan to do any calls this rotation so I'll make do with what I learn during the day. Yup.

It feels so strange to be the only student in a specialty rounding with the team but everyone's quite nice and approachable so I'm surviving. My colleagues in medical school all think I'm a complete weirdo to have chosen to do this as my specialty but some can appreciate the value of what can be learnt in the ICU. I'm enjoying it so far though! So, all in all, I haven't a complaint. :)

I would have loved to spend the Lunar New Year in Hong Kong since I've never done so before but hopefully later on...sometime.

I hope you're all doing well in 2012 so far.

Patients Make This Profession Worthwhile

I'm exhausted beyond my mind, starving because I haven't eaten anything solid since 9:30 Saturday (yesterday) morning, aching everywhere from standing and running around the labour ward all day, cold from the air conditioning temperatures of labour ward and, at the moment, happier than words could imply. Why? Because I just got a reminder of why all the incredibly hard work and sacrifices make this profession absolutely worth it: the patients.

Patients are of all types: mean, upset, frustrating, aggravating, kind, funny, moody. On my current clerkship, Obstetrics & Gynaecology, I have a set quota of deliveries to perform. Tonight (technically yesterday night since it's about 1:30 AM Sunday) I delivered my final baby and it was, by far, the most memorable in more ways than one.

This morning I arrived on labour ward and saw this surprisingly sweet and cheerful young lady and I thought to myself, "I'd like to see her through to her delivery." And so, I did. She became an entirely different person, as most women do, with the progression of labour...more intense and frequent contractions. I have to say though, she was still exceptionally wonderful during labour (I've seen many women screaming down the place!) and her husband (quite a young couple) was so very kind and supportive.

As evening approached, she slowly progressed to full dilation and we wheeled her off to the delivery room. Here, I spent exactly 2 hours delivering a beautiful baby boy. Due to the baby's head position, it was difficult for the mummy to push, resulting in a two-hour wait before we saw anything more than the top of the baby's head. In case you weren't sure, any delivery should take no longer than an hour...and even then, an hour is quite a long time. Here's a little play by play of the experience:

30 minutes in...mummy was exhausted from all the pushing...and we realised why it was so difficult to push...but daddy was there to give her much love and support.

45 minutes in...daddy had to leave as nursing shifts changed and would return later on. I was left alone with mummy who was told to push only when she felt the urge to do so...and not with every contraction as usual.

1 hour in...I started to feel this urge to cry. I felt discouraged and felt like I wanted to just give up and leave the delivery room and go home. My back ached. My stomach rumbled. I was beginning to grow impatient.

1 hour 45 minutes in...a midwife finally returns to aid me and the poor exhausted mummy who I was trying to keep encouraging so that she could keep going. Honestly, I was surprised she still had any energy to push.

2 hours in...a wonderful baby boy was born, gorgeous as can be. And me? I stayed with her to the end...not because it was my final delivery but because I knew she needed support.

I came to realise that my urge to cry, discouragement, feeling to give up and impatience weren't my feelings...but hers. Quite often one person's strong feelings mingle with my own and, if I'm not careful, I would mistake them for my own. Whenever I felt those negative things, I would pray to God for guidance and continue to encourage young mummy and they would eventually pass.

Once the baby, named Amari, was all cleaned up and returned to his parents, mummy told me the most uplifting words a person in my position could've possibly heard. She thanked me and continued with "I could not have done this without you. Every time I felt like I was ready to give up, you were there telling me that I'm doing well and the baby is almost here and that I can do this. Every time I felt like I was too tired to press on, you were there reminding me to breathe deeply and regain my energy between pushes. You were so patient with me the whole time and I could not have asked for more. You were so amazing with me." And she ended her sentiments with "You are the sweetest person. I believe you're in the right profession because you have a perfect personality for it. You're so sweet and caring and patient. Thank you so much for everything!" Her sentiments touched me deeply and all of a sudden my exhaustion, aches and pains were gone, replaced by a renewed vigour...a reminder of why I chose to be a doctor: to help people through their greatest trials. I, personally, felt as if I was of little use to anyone in that room except for human company. Knowing that I was able to help her get through such an extraordinarily difficult time period, made me realise that even when I can't help very much physically (I'm not exactly an experienced midwife, after all), I can help in other ways...provide a strong support...and that's what I want to do for people...give them the support they need.

I could not have taken in all her praise without uttering my own praises for her. She was an amazing girl who pulled through the most painful experience of her life...an experience many women only know less than 30 minutes of. She endured 2 hours of pushing and contractions. If it were me, I would've been too tired to push after 10 minutes. She was strong...she handled herself well, handled the pain well and had a wonderful husband backing her up. I continue to marvel at her endurance and admire her strength because...labour? It's not exactly a walk in the park. I will remember her for many years to come.


By the way, I believe that if you're concerned about a teenage girl getting pregnant, be sure to let her volunteer on the labour ward for a little while. I think it would serve decently as a relatively good contraception method. Jus' sayin'. :)

Welcome To December

Another year is soon coming to a close...I can't believe how quickly 2011 has whizzed by me...how quickly 2012 approaches, bringing many things, wonderful and not, expected and unexpected, that lay just on the brink of the horizon.

To this day, my mind relives the night of The Music Factory. It truly was too awesome for words.

It's been only a week since I last posted...and I have to admit, my post about The Music Factory was quite brief...but many things have occurred and it has felt like at least 2 weeks have just passed me by. That previous post was hurriedly typed up whilst still under sleepy-mode from the awesomeness of The Music Factory. I like when I create well-written posts that show that even the slightest bit of thought was properly placed into it...which doesn't happen quite often. I'd like to keep it up and keep it thorough and super interesting but it really doesn't always happen. In fact, it's kind of a miracle that I'm finding the time to do this one now...I've been wanting to make a new blog post for the past 3 days.

My 2-week Christmas break is coming up in just a week and half and it doesn't at all feel that way...not with all the stress and annoyances and work occurring on this rotation. I'm currently in my second week of Obstetrics & Gynaecology (commonly known as OBGYN). This rotation in the penultimate year of medical school has high focus on obstetrics, labour and deliveries. I'll be doing it again in my final year which has the broad focus on both obstetrics and gynaecology. As such, my time is often spent on the labour ward of the hospital...taking care of the pregnant ladies who come in labour and seeing them through to their deliveries. After observing a set quota, we, the students, must actually perform a set quota of deliveries in order to pass the clerkship.

Just as travelling has it's peak seasons, so do births. December is within the "baby-boom" season which brought me to my first performed delivery merely 6 days after commencing the clerkship. Wow. It was crazy. Observing and performing a delivery, like many other actions, are two different things. My first was a baby girl...my second, the following day, was a beautiful baby boy. Here in Barbados (I'm not sure how it is overseas) the midwives and nurses run the labour ward so deliveries are performed by a midwife and not a doctor, except in the event of a private patient (since it is a public hospital). I have three more deliveries to see and once I've completed my quota, I don't intend to do these things again. Ever.

Many (not all) of the midwives are the most miserable and moody people one could ever meet in the same room. Too much oestrogen in one room is never a good thing, I've always believed that. The labour ward displays this well. As such, I've come very much to dislike this rotation...a lot...and cannot wait till it comes to an end...next January. Once I have all of my deliveries though, I won't even have to wait so long. :)

Irrespective of the menopausal midwives, I love seeing the joy and relief on a mother's (and father's) face when she sees her baby. If there's anything beautiful about a birth, that is it. Otherwise, it's pretty dirty and anything but gorgeous. Hahaha.

I've been hoping for awhile to make a new vlog...it's been quite a few months since my last but I didn't realise just how time consuming this clerkship would prove to be. I'm full of nothing but exhaustion and impatience, not to mention frustrations, thanks to this rotation.

So, in reality, the majority of the 'many things' that have happened in the past week have been related to Obstetrics & Gynaecology and how I feel my life being sucked away. Apart from that, Christmas is soon here! My little fibre-optic trees are back up for the occasion.

And for those bracing and enduring the examination period...I wish you all the best of luck! Study hard!

Breakdowns

I'm not one to get stressed out very often...especially as someone in medical school. I've had very few meltdowns and, to this day, I've never considered any other career options (apparently, I'm the only one who hasn't thought about it this far into the degree!).

Meltdown = rant, rave and cry.

I've done this probably once over the past 3 years. I almost had another one this morning. I think, if I had been at home and not at the hospital, I would've actually had a full on meltdown but it didn't quite happen. I don't often show people that I'm suffering when I am, I guess.

Sometimes, the frustrations just build up. People and their negative energies don't help either. I'm surrounded by it and it feeds my own frustrations. Medical school was never meant to be easy. To this moment, I still have no regrets about my decision to do medicine. I like it and I don't see that ever changing...not if it hasn't changed now that I'm half way through my fourth year of medical school.

To be a pathologist...

It takes a certain type of person to be a pathologist. Cutting organs, exploring dead bodies...it's all fun and exciting...to a pathologist.

Autopsy Room

Today, I witnessed my first autopsy. It was the first time I've ever been to the mortuary. When you think about a place like the morgue, people generally have an idea of a dark, cold, dingy room deep below the hospital with bad lighting and drawers filled with dead bodies. It's actually nothing like that...well, it was a bit dingy and smelt pretty bad but there was quite a bit of lighting and it wasn't very cold at all. Yes, there were those drawers but if you never knew what they held in them, it wasn't so bad.

The autopsy itself was pretty...I dunno. I've heard stories about how terrible it can be and then there's what you see on television but I thought it wasn't too bad...maybe because I built myself up to expect the worst of the worst.

Regardless, pathology is a career I could never ever ever possibly in life ever consider as an option. I'm not the kind of person who could live with body explorations in that sense. I like interacting in patients.

After seeing a spider in her office, one of the pathologists once said "I don't like the idea of anything being alive in my office...except me and guests to my office."

Upon asking another pathologist why she chose this specialty in medicine, she said "It's exciting, don't you think?"

Yeah, no, it's not exciting. Not one bit. Can't wait for this rotation to come to an end!

Contradictions

I write about how time flies so quickly so often that people must get tired of reading it. "Okay! I get it already! You think time is just flying right on by!" is probably what you're thinking, right? Right.

Now that I've said that for the hundredth time, I'm quite happy to see the time passing me so quickly. The bad days of medical school just sail on without a glance back at me. And that's wonderful. But at the same time, that means that the harder study days are coming up. The days which will be tougher and more torturous are coming at me faster than I can prepare for and the prospect scares me.

I feel more than ready to graduate but I'm most certainly not equipped to handle my final and toughest year of medical school! I'm more than ready to complete my internship and go overseas to study what my heart feels truly connected to but I'm far from equipped to tackle those 12-months. It's a contradiction. I want the time to continue zooming forward but at the same time, I feel like I need more time to prepare myself for the difficult times I know I have coming up.

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." ~ Alan Kay

I'm the kind of person who plans their future in advance. I like to know what I should prepare myself for and the future I dream of, I can't wait to obtain. Allopathic medicine is by far the last thing I want to be practicing and I'm frequently frustrated by the thinking of many (but not all) conventional doctors. I think it contributes to my wanting to finish medical school quickly. I'm just so frustrated with it all. I chose to do allopathic medicine because I wanted insight into what these practitioners think like...I wanted to understand why they think the way they think...why so many of them can be so closed minded to alternative or complementary therapies. And I've slowly come to understand it in my time in medical school. Doctors teach students and pass on their beliefs and knowledge about their practices. The same goes for their beliefs about alternative practices. And it's something that can't be helped. But that stubborn sort of thinking cannot work for much longer, not when populations of people are becoming more aware of the advantages offered elsewhere. It is good to have knowledge of both sides of the table because you need to be able to advise a patient about interactions that could be fatal. And that's where integrative medicine comes in. An adequate mixture of allopathic and naturopathic medicine.

Today, one of my lecturers who is a general practitioner in one of our public polyclinics told us a number of stories of patients he has seen in practice recently. Patients who have had live microscopy where they're told that the practitioner says there's all sorts of bacteria and fungi. In allopathic medicine, this is a sign of serious blood infection. This is a story of concepts not understand by doctors. There was a story of a patient who went to an iridologist and was told she had fibroids after he looked at her iris so she went to this GP and he sent her for an ultrasound which showed a perfectly normal uterus. No matter the story, the opinion left on conventional doctors is that of disbelief. It's no wonder these negative opinions are made when patients present to them with problems and stories from alternative medicine practitioners. But, naturally, persons with successful stories don't normally end up in a GP's office. And so, such terrible reputations are built against alternative medicine, reinforcing the lack of belief.

All that to say, integrative medicine is what I truly want to do. I truly want to go into natural medicine. I want to study and understand it more. I want to practice integrative medicine. It's the ideal practice of medicine, in my opinion, as it offers the best options for patients. It's the middle ground between the two extremes with good understanding either way. Most certainly, not a contradiction.

The Waiting Game

Monday morning I opened up my email and saw what I was waiting 4-5 days to see: Package Delivered & Signed for by ___. Score!

Do you know what this means?? It means my package was delivered, of course. What package, you ask? Oh, well, it's just my application to do my fourth year elective in Anaesthesia & Intensive Care at The Chinese University of Hong Kong next January...no big deal. =)

Now, I'm just sitting around waiting for them to process my application and give me a response: accept | decline. I vote they tell me the former. But I'm so excited about my application arriving there quickly and safely because I made it just in time for my deadline! It could've been there much much sooner if the ridiculously slow-working university I attend didn't take 3 months to release my grades to update my transcripts which, by some miracle, I obtained in a week (apparently, the norm is about 4 weeks for a few sheets of paper).

Regardless, everything so far has worked out in my favour. All I need is an acceptance and I'll be booking a ticket for 4 weeks in Hong Kong. That's right. Four weeks. Four. 4. Four weeks. A whole month. In Hong Kong. My favourite place in the whole wide world. Doing something that I know I'll enjoy: Anaesthesia & Intensive Care. I'm actually still relatively surprised that I like it so much.

Ohhhhhhh...I hope they get in touch soon!

Phlebotomist in the making

Well...I'm not really a phlebotomist (person who takes blood) in the making. Today in Barbados, we had HIV Regional Testing Day at various locations around the island to encourage the population to know their HIV status as it is a disease that has relatively high prevalence in our country.

This is something that happens every year and the organisers at the Ministry of Health usually request the help of the medical students for blood taking. This is what I spent my entire day doing.

I probably took blood from about 50 people or so...maybe a little more. At the location I was stationed, we had about 165 people participate. I very willingly volunteered to be phlebotomist because I really wanted the practice of taking blood...it's something that will be required of me in the years to come and I wanna be able to be agile about it...quick and smooth...in and out...and hopefully with as little pain and as few sticks as possible. I certainly haven't mastered it yet but I'm definitely a whole lot better and somewhat more confident about doing it. Yay!

On another note, I watched the Life In A Day documentary that I was talking about before. To someone without much interest in it, I guess it would be pretty boring because I watched it with my Mom and she fell asleep 20 minutes in. I thought it was a pretty interesting film. It was definitely a really nice thing to see how people spend their days around the world...a very culturally diverse film, for sure. It astounded me that a Korean man was determined to travel around the world by bicycle and has not even been the slightest bit deterred from it because of the 5 accidents and 4 surgeries he's had. All he said was "there are a lot of careless drivers"...he visited 190 countries! He's gotta be fit. Haha. If you're interested in that kind of thing, you should give it a watch...it's an hour and 34 minutes, I believe.

And now...my weekend!

Anaesthesia & Intensive Care

I started my Anaesthesia & Intensive Care clerkship on Monday. So far it's been a pretty intense compared to the clerkship I was doing before. I spend virtually all my hours of the day in the operating theatre learning about this, that and the other. Too much information than I could possibly digest (which I later attempt to read up on) + topics I'm to go home to read up on to talk about the next day. It usually doesn't work out since I fall asleep as soon as I get home. The days have been long and they've been exhausting on my mind, my back and my feet. I get home late, eat, shower, struggle to read something, fall asleep on the book I'm attempting to read and sleep till the A.M. I really need to readjust to the long days once more...just like when I did my Junior Surgery Clerkship.

The doctor in charge of this clerkship was telling us that we should do at least 2 emergency calls. That means 2 full over night calls. That means 2 calls that will last up to 36 hours. Oh boy...fun!

So, as I have very little free time on my hands, I think it's safe to say that I won't be able to fulfill that month-long challenge that I wanted to do. Maybe on my next clerkship next month?

A Challenge To Myself

I'm sure I've been saying this too often lately but I don't blog as much as I'd like to. It's not because I don't have anything to say. My days are often eventful (they've been particularly so over the past 4 weeks) and there are things to say and, even though I have the time, I don't sit down to write a post.

I've just completed my first 4th year clerkship: social and preventative medicine. I really played around with that one...procrastinating on quite a lot till the end and wasn't even able to find time to study with all the rushing I had to do to finish my two presentations and evidence-based medicine project.

On completion of this clerkship, I move on to my next one starting on Monday: Anaesthesia and Intensive Care. It's bound to be a pretty interesting one. I'm back in the operating theatres again...but this time, not for the surgeries. As soon as I discover what my scheduling is like for this next clerkship, I'll decide for sure on challenging myself: posting on my blog at least 3 times a week for 1 month!

That's my self-challenge. You think I can do it? 

The Slaughter House

Today, as part of my rotation, I had to make site visits to an abattoir and poultry processing plant. As such, I had the glorious opportunity to watch a number of pigs, chickens and a cow be slaughtered for food consumption.

It was, by far, the most disturbing and terrifying thing I've ever had the honour to witness.

And now I know how inhumanely animals are killed for the benefit of the stomachs of men.

First, I saw a cow get shot in a head (apparently it just stuns it), listened to the health inspector talk about what they do when they kill cows, and saw and heard blood gush from the neck of a hanging (upside-down) cow like a waterfall. The most interesting thing I saw was how huge its stomach is with its internally divided 4 stomachs. I don't eat beef and steak and I didn't see most of the process so I wasn't as bothered as with the pigs.

Then, I saw them stun pigs with thousands of volts to the head, slit their throats and hang them upside down before scalding off their hairs and sawing it apart. I found this to be the most disturbing thing because just before they stunned one of the pigs it looked me in the eye with so much fear. I nearly cried when it got killed. It all happened so quickly. ='( Safe to say, I turned my back to that after that but it's incredibly difficult to drown out their screams. I don't ever want to eat ham again. Not that I ate it often anyway.

Chickens don't really see to be that aware of what's coming for them. Though, hanging them upside down and passing them through machines is as bad as it gets.

This clerkship is driving me crazy! I'm tired of all the smelly, dirty, disturbing places!

Trouble Keeping Up

I haven't been up-keeping this blog as much as I'd like to and every time I look at it, I have all good intentions of changing that but it doesn't quite seem to happen. Just gotta keep the hope burning that, at some point, I'll pick up this blog and post as often as I mean to!

I've started my glorious 4th year, I'm officially a clinical medicine student! Basic medical sciences have been a breeze compared to what I have ahead of me. The challenges are of a different scope and I've got my fingers and toes crossed that I'll continue forward successfully. Currently, I'm on my Social & Preventative Medicine clerkship something that I find to be impeccably boring. There are a lot of published studies and journal articles that I'm supposed to be reading and, if you've ever had to read one then you know, it puts you to sleep. I'm two weeks into it now and so far it hasn't been terrible but it's not good. It's a very slow way to start my clinical years but I think I'd prefer this than to be thrown into the deep end and be expected to know everything just like that! The greatest thing about this rotation is that the hospital doesn't exist in this clerkship...it's all about public health so I'm in polyclinics and, for the most part, visiting sites for health inspection and the such.

As a fourth year student, I no longer have the privilege of saying "I'm not sure. I'm only a third year." As such, at this level, I'm expected to know quite a bit. Honestly, I don't know very much at all. It's horrible but it's something that will eventually be remedied, I'm sure.

There isn't a whole lot to be updated on except...I recently turned 21! Oh, look at that. The big two-one. As everyone likes to put it: I'm legal everywhere around the world. Joy!

Halfway Point

Two weeks ago, my Surgery Clerkship came to an end. Finally. To be honest, 4 weeks of that was quite enough for me. Now I'm on Internal Medicine and I'll admittedly say that 4 weeks isn't possibly enough. 

In surgery, we stayed with one firm throughout the clerkship. Medicine isn't the same. We change firms weekly along with having a number of tutorial and clinical skills sessions to attend. Frankly, you don't really get to know people on your team (except maybe the interns, maybe) and you certainly don't get to know the patients on each firm. Medicine has quite a lot of patients with so many different problems and, as we move from one firm to the next, I find it difficult to clerk patients and follow up on them as we're expected for our case books to be handed in at the end of the rotation. 

I have my qualms about each of the two clerkships so far. Surgery was wonderful in that it was structured and you knew what would be happening every day but it wasn't so great in the hours and amount of work involved. Medicine is wonderful in that it has shorter hours and much more free time, the atmosphere is more relaxed but it somehow feels to have much less structure to it because I feel like I'm being rushed to learn things in my clinical skills sessions. In fact, I quite hate the clinical skills sessions because the person in charge of them (who's also in charge of the entire clerkship) is so iffy and strange. You'd think he's just being particular but he's so obsessive-compulsive over the things only he knows and ends up focussing on only those things. Hypertensive drugs aren't all there is to life and medicine!

Too often I feel frustrated about the knowledge (more specifically, the lack of it) that I'm receiving. That's not to say that nobody's teaching me things but so many things are being taught that it's not possible to remember it all, so you write them down to go home and read up but when you read, you don't remember. That's how I am. For some reason, the things I manage to study, I cannot manage to recall when I need to. It causes me to become anxious about a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like I can't really be bothered to keep up with the environment I'm now forced to work in due to my anxiety. It's difficult to shave off my fears when I can't answer a question because I can't recall what I read the night before. So now, I have difficulty even getting myself psyched to study at all. This further adds to my frustration and the fact that I don't like my team much doesn't help either.

I've reached the great halfway point of this semester. Another 6 weeks and I'll be facing my first clinical OSCE-type examination. At this point, I've been feeling a lot of negative emotions...lots of upsetting things have happened and many things continue to frustrate me but I'm going to do what I always do: continue working through my difficulties until I come out on top. I'm sure soon enough I can bid these fears good riddance. My lifestyle has changed so much and it's become so unhealthy. Working at the hospital has changed my eating habits entirely. Breakfast is at 6:30 AM (6:10 AM on surgery) and it's only cereal. On call nights (twice a week) leave me eating dinner when I get home after 10:30 PM. On surgery, lunch was any time between 12 and 5 PM but now on medicine its usually around 12 PM. Dinner is whenever I get home so that I can eat home-cooked food at least once a day. Lunch is food I purchase from the hospital cafeteria (which is terrible food that I ate for 4 weeks straight on surgery) or from any of the food places near the hospital (which I can only do now because I have the time on medicine and is better than that hospital cafeteria any day). I don't even get to drink as much water as I need anymore and I've become dehydrated.

All in all, there are a lot of intense adjustments that I need to work myself around. I don't like the hospital life or the hospital environment (though I'm not sure if that's a general feeling or just how I feel about this one). Add all that to my never-ending feeling of wanting to leave Barbados and I'd be a tortured soul. The only thing that saves me from the despair is daydreaming about learning more interesting things at Bastyr University and thinking about where I'd like to go for my electives during my next couple of years of medical school.

Looking Towards The Future

This past week, I've been absolutely obsessed with one thing in the whole entire world: Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine!

I've looked at a couple of naturopathic schools, gracefully skipping over the ones in the U.S. If you're wondering why, it's just because, for some reason, I'm not very fond of having to reside in America for any length of time. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just New York that I'm uncomfortable with, but the country just doesn't sit with me very well. Granted, I haven't visited many other states...I've been to Florida but my memories there are too vague. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to visit and I'd very much like to visit other states in the U.S.

So, I've looked towards Canada and England. I haven't found any places in England that's really caught my eye the way CCNM has managed to. In fact, I'm starting to wonder how it so firmly managed to gain my priority attention. Maybe, just maybe, it was meant to be. Things just happen like that, you know?

CCNM is a very well accredited naturopathic school that would allow me to practice as a naturopathic doctor (N.D.) in Canada and U.S. states that allow such practices. It's got a rivetingly rigorous programme that would seriously challenge one's mind and skills. Clinic work is even incorporated from semester 1! I think that's pretty amazing. And the degree encompasses a wide range of natural medicine techniques from acupuncture, botanical medicine, hydrotherapy and Asian diagnosis techniques (such as pulse and tongue diagnosis)! It's amazing! It's just so exciting!

I've been looking at the website every day since the day I discovered it and I manage to find new information floating about. I've even found a Survival Manual from last year on the Naturopathic Students' Association (N.S.A.) website. It's an excellent guide for people (like myself) who are unfamiliar with Toronto and the general area, as well as a basic guide for surviving first year. I've discovered a list of clubs at the college, the nearest food places, shopping places, health food stores, subway exits and more. It's just been all fun for me.

Now, if you've managed to read this far into my slightly obsessive post, you may (or may not) be thinking that I'm a little crazy for finding all this information for a school that I cannot attend for, at least, another 4 years. Yeah, that's right, I've mapped out my future for, probably, the next 4-8 years. So, I know exactly what I want in life, big deal. You may be thinking "Geez, why don't you just focus on the studies at hand so that you could get good grades to make it into the school!" Well, you should read my previous post.

I've lost any motivation I once had to properly study for medical school. It's been one boring day after the other and I feel like I'm being taught little in my classes. No motivation = No studying. Discovering CCNM has lit a fire in me that no other school or programme I've seen has managed to do. I'm motivated to do well once more because I have something to work towards...somewhere to work towards. An escape. A dream, almost forgotten.

Of course, there's also the fact that I don't know what kind of procedures would be necessary for me to apply to CCNM. Now that I know, I know it's not exactly the simplest procedure and I know that my university is far from efficient. So, it's best to learn these things early so that I'm properly prepared and don't waste any time in life.

That almost-forgotten dream? I remember when I made the resolution like it was this morning.

More complaints...

Dear all,

I've not forgotten you. I could never so easily forsake my blog without any forewarning (though I'm sure I've gone much longer without making an entry). Life has just been...a bore.


This is more or less the set up of the class I'm in. Every day. Minus the American flag. It often feels like I'm in secondary school again. The only upgrade is that I'm in a building with solid walls, roof and floor. I basically spent my final year of secondary school in a broken down shack. Not that I'm complaining.

Often, I wish we could make use of our own lecture theatre on campus but that's a dream that will have no chance for realisation. I'm moving over to the clinical setting next year. That lovely lecture theatre I'd like to have my lectures in? No more of that. But day by day, I drive to campus, sign a sheet of paper with each hour of class I'm in to indicate that I was indeed present because attendance is oh-so-important, you know, just like when we were in primary school.

A daily routine of sleeping, eating, going to class, eating, going to more classes, eating, studying and sleeping once more (with some showers here and there to keep clean) has taken it's toll. I've been doing this for 16 years of my life without a break in between and, you know what? I'm tired of it. Tired of living the same days over and over again. Tired to the point where I've no motivation to pick up a book and study anymore. No motivation. Every opportunity for a break from this cycle is welcome. That's partly why I'm glad I joined the M.S.A...it brings the only difference in my current academic life. Starting January, there'll be more hands-on experience and not-as-much classroom experience and I'm looking forward to that, immensely.

It's no secret that I've been dying to leave the island too. The life I live here is, as stated above, quite routine. A cycle of daily events. There's little else to do in the country and I can't do anything about it. Today, I gave myself a little excitement: I searched for naturopathic schools in Canada. I searched for naturopathic schools in England awhile ago too. I know these two territories are great places for me to obtain the degree I strive for. Search and search and I found the one I'd absolutely love to go to for my ND: Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine.

So, watch out Toronto, I'm making my way over in 4 years' time. Wait for it. My great escape.