Looking Towards The Future

This past week, I've been absolutely obsessed with one thing in the whole entire world: Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine!

I've looked at a couple of naturopathic schools, gracefully skipping over the ones in the U.S. If you're wondering why, it's just because, for some reason, I'm not very fond of having to reside in America for any length of time. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just New York that I'm uncomfortable with, but the country just doesn't sit with me very well. Granted, I haven't visited many other states...I've been to Florida but my memories there are too vague. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to visit and I'd very much like to visit other states in the U.S.

So, I've looked towards Canada and England. I haven't found any places in England that's really caught my eye the way CCNM has managed to. In fact, I'm starting to wonder how it so firmly managed to gain my priority attention. Maybe, just maybe, it was meant to be. Things just happen like that, you know?

CCNM is a very well accredited naturopathic school that would allow me to practice as a naturopathic doctor (N.D.) in Canada and U.S. states that allow such practices. It's got a rivetingly rigorous programme that would seriously challenge one's mind and skills. Clinic work is even incorporated from semester 1! I think that's pretty amazing. And the degree encompasses a wide range of natural medicine techniques from acupuncture, botanical medicine, hydrotherapy and Asian diagnosis techniques (such as pulse and tongue diagnosis)! It's amazing! It's just so exciting!

I've been looking at the website every day since the day I discovered it and I manage to find new information floating about. I've even found a Survival Manual from last year on the Naturopathic Students' Association (N.S.A.) website. It's an excellent guide for people (like myself) who are unfamiliar with Toronto and the general area, as well as a basic guide for surviving first year. I've discovered a list of clubs at the college, the nearest food places, shopping places, health food stores, subway exits and more. It's just been all fun for me.

Now, if you've managed to read this far into my slightly obsessive post, you may (or may not) be thinking that I'm a little crazy for finding all this information for a school that I cannot attend for, at least, another 4 years. Yeah, that's right, I've mapped out my future for, probably, the next 4-8 years. So, I know exactly what I want in life, big deal. You may be thinking "Geez, why don't you just focus on the studies at hand so that you could get good grades to make it into the school!" Well, you should read my previous post.

I've lost any motivation I once had to properly study for medical school. It's been one boring day after the other and I feel like I'm being taught little in my classes. No motivation = No studying. Discovering CCNM has lit a fire in me that no other school or programme I've seen has managed to do. I'm motivated to do well once more because I have something to work towards...somewhere to work towards. An escape. A dream, almost forgotten.

Of course, there's also the fact that I don't know what kind of procedures would be necessary for me to apply to CCNM. Now that I know, I know it's not exactly the simplest procedure and I know that my university is far from efficient. So, it's best to learn these things early so that I'm properly prepared and don't waste any time in life.

That almost-forgotten dream? I remember when I made the resolution like it was this morning.

More complaints...

Dear all,

I've not forgotten you. I could never so easily forsake my blog without any forewarning (though I'm sure I've gone much longer without making an entry). Life has just been...a bore.


This is more or less the set up of the class I'm in. Every day. Minus the American flag. It often feels like I'm in secondary school again. The only upgrade is that I'm in a building with solid walls, roof and floor. I basically spent my final year of secondary school in a broken down shack. Not that I'm complaining.

Often, I wish we could make use of our own lecture theatre on campus but that's a dream that will have no chance for realisation. I'm moving over to the clinical setting next year. That lovely lecture theatre I'd like to have my lectures in? No more of that. But day by day, I drive to campus, sign a sheet of paper with each hour of class I'm in to indicate that I was indeed present because attendance is oh-so-important, you know, just like when we were in primary school.

A daily routine of sleeping, eating, going to class, eating, going to more classes, eating, studying and sleeping once more (with some showers here and there to keep clean) has taken it's toll. I've been doing this for 16 years of my life without a break in between and, you know what? I'm tired of it. Tired of living the same days over and over again. Tired to the point where I've no motivation to pick up a book and study anymore. No motivation. Every opportunity for a break from this cycle is welcome. That's partly why I'm glad I joined the M.S.A...it brings the only difference in my current academic life. Starting January, there'll be more hands-on experience and not-as-much classroom experience and I'm looking forward to that, immensely.

It's no secret that I've been dying to leave the island too. The life I live here is, as stated above, quite routine. A cycle of daily events. There's little else to do in the country and I can't do anything about it. Today, I gave myself a little excitement: I searched for naturopathic schools in Canada. I searched for naturopathic schools in England awhile ago too. I know these two territories are great places for me to obtain the degree I strive for. Search and search and I found the one I'd absolutely love to go to for my ND: Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine.

So, watch out Toronto, I'm making my way over in 4 years' time. Wait for it. My great escape.

Shanghai In One Month's Time!

It's been over a week since my last post and I feel like I haven't been posting as much as I should lately! For that, I apologise.

In precisely 1 month, I'll find myself on the other side of the world. It's so exciting to think about! I've said it before but, in case you don't know, I'll be making my way over to wonderful Shanghai to head out to the Shanghai World Expo that I've mentioned before and visit some other lovely sites in the city. I'll also be making a one-day stop in Hong Kong so that I get to see my family and breathe in the city air I love so much. One day in Hong Kong, surely it will satisfy me until my next visit, right?

Sometimes, I miss it there so much it hurts.

The research course that I've been doing the past 5 weeks is driving me crazy. I have a test on Monday that I can only pray for the best for. So, until next time!

*scurries off to cram*

The Best Lecturers?

Is it me or are the all best Basic Medical Sciences lecturers Indian?

Well, at least, that's the conclusion I've come to from all the lecturers I've been exposed to. All the people that I've learnt best from have been Indian and they pretty much carry similar teaching styles. They are all incredibly knowledgeable in their fields and they teach by diagrams in text books and drawings they do on a whiteboard.

Maybe I should have gone off to study Medicine in India?

Granted, I do have an anatomy lecturer who isn't very good but that's because she's always feeling rushed and never goes over what she should be teaching us, telling us that we should go home and read it ourselves. She teaches by drawing as well but I think she has some odd notion that we prefer to sit and stare at powerpoint slides with pixelated images.

Just last semester a friend of mine discovered Dr. Najeeb. He's an amazing lecturer that manages to make everything so simple. I've only got one lecturer like that at my university who teaches physiology (and he is, of course, Indian). He provides full lectures on basic medical sciences topics online, and I would suggest any and every medical student to check out his videos.

Click for Dr. Najeeb's Youtube

Click to find Dr. Najeeb on Facebook and Twitter

I'm sure there are other great lecturers out there of different race, nationality and language. I wouldn't mind them coming to teach me. But I do find it interesting that the people who have been able to teach me best, so far, don't speak English as their first language. Most of my lecturers who only speak English somehow don't carry their messages across very well. Very interesting indeed.

Where's my vacation?

All I see everywhere is books...books...and more books. I'm tired of all this studying! I keep wondering if it'll all be for naught or if something may actually come of it...it's hard to tell with the course co-ordinator for my last two final exams.

So far my med exams have turned out to be better than I could possibly have expected, so I'm happy for that. I just hope my grades reflect the wonderfully positive feeling I have tumbling around inside. Despite that, I still have this negativity tumbling around with it.

The prospect for any exam that comes from the course co-ordinator that I feel...extreme dislike for is usually never good. Looking at the incourse grades is almost depressing...the majority of the class did extremely bad...barely passing...or just failing. And so...I dread the next, and final, two exams left: The Digestive System and The Endocrine System & Skin. They could be interesting...I believed them to be so but it never helps when you have bad lecturers that literally teach you nothing useful for your medical career.

As such, I've been having sleeping problems for the past few days. It's probably from underlying stress. I say underlying because I honestly don't feel stressed out and I only really know when I'm stressed when I get some physical manifestations of it. Different things happen depending on the situation. Sometimes I get back pains, a stiff neck, break out or, a new one, I have trouble falling asleep. I've had to try numerous things to get myself to sleep at night and eventually one of them works and I manage to fall asleep and whenever I wake up, I feel extremely wide awake.

Now, once my sleeping pattern is disrupted then it's quite the indicator that I'm overly stressed and worried (though I don't really feel that way). I'm the kind of person who can normally get to sleep easily whenever, however and wherever. I've never had a problem with it. Until now.

This week just needs to end.

Capacity

I'd love to be able to go to a place like this. Meditate.

It's been...2 weeks or so?...since I blogged about my study habits. I was actually doing pretty well with the studying to the point where it just became a habit to study. Studying wasn't so hard to do anymore and I didn't have a need to go to the library anymore. I stayed home and was able to be productive. 

Then all of a sudden, I couldn't study anymore.

I can't understand why. I just don't want to look through books or lectures anymore. I don't want to learn or revise anything anymore. Exams have started and this week is crucial to studying. It's like the final lap around the track and I'm nearing the 200m mark to the finish line. That's the part where you burn all the extra energy you've got left to pull through to the end. So why is it that I'm doing the opposite?

I've got an exam every day this week. Less than 24 hours between each exam and once I include my 7 hours of sleep (which I refuse to give up since my brain doesn't function so well without proper sleep) I'll have a maximum of 15 hours study time between exams. I'm hardly even half prepared for any of the exams I've got coming up. Guess I'll be spending some time in the library once more.

I'll be praying. Not only for myself but for the rest of my class. We're all working pretty hard, I'm sure.

Study Habits

Hurray for random pictures of the sky =]

Old habits are as hard to break as ever. I wish new habits could ever so easily override the old ones! 

Last semester I did really well not to do a lot of cramming and it went so very very well. I came out with surprising results actually. This semester I've somehow reverted back to my old ways after a good 3 months of teaching myself a great method to study and keep up with work. Why are bad habits so hard to break? =[

I have to go back to the methods I used last semester. It more or less cut out quite a bit of the social aspect of life like messenger, Facebook, etc but I'll just have to get to it. At the end of the day, all the time I wasted on those things wouldn't have given me any sort of benefits. I've cut down my sleeping time by 1-2 hours almost every night this semester and that's just not something I wanna keep up. Not to mention I haven't been cutting down my sleeping time for studying. Ugh. I'm so disappointed in myself.

Exam finals are coming up in just short of 2 weeks. One week of exams, 6 exams: 1 exam per day @ 9:00 a.m. There's something to look forward to! >_>

So my plans are to cut messenger use to zero (unless I need help with work or something) and spend more time in the library on campus without my laptop most of the time. I'll still be needing my laptop since it's where some of the necessary lectures are. But yes, I'll be needing to spend more time away from the main problem since I've been lacking discipline this semester this is just about the only way I'm gonna get things done.

Hopefully, the final results will be satisfying. =]

Day One

The week full of dread has finally arrived. I had my first exam today and it was just horrible. I'm pretty sure I failed the short answer question section...and hopefully passed the multiple choice....hopefully. I've never felt so awful after an exam before (or during for that matter). I saw words that I'm pretty sure I've never seen before...I didn't learn many drugs and the ones that I did know...weren't anywhere on the exam...DUMB!

*sigh* Motivation for studying for the next 3 exams? I think so. I'd hate to think that I did so horribly and I'd also hate to think that I'm setting myself up to fail. So, despite the lateness of it, I've finally decided to buckle down and do some real studying...something that I should've been continuing since 3 weeks ago but was too lazy to.

Oh! I've got loads to say about my very short trip to NY but...the time it'll take to type it all up, I'll use for studying instead ^_^ And I'll post about my trip next Friday after my final exam =]

Next week's exams:

1. Introduction to Embryology and Histology - Monday
2. Molecular Medicine - Wednesday
3. Locomotor System - Friday

Can't wait for it to be over!!

There are better days...

I thought I could make it through the semester without getting frustrated with the Medical Sciences faculty...but it turns out I was wrong. Since the beginning of the week I've just been so frustrated with everything these people do and don't do. Maybe I should be grateful for their efforts, after all this is a new faculty, but I can't help but feel that they're not doing anything! I went to the faculty office to give them something that they asked me (the I.T. rep) to do, to find the secretary happily chatting on MSN and telling me that what I've been doing for the past 2 weeks for them was for naught.

It wasn't a large task really. I was asked to collect electronic pictures of all the members of the class (40 people) so that they can put it on their file. Mind you, this is nothing that I should have to be doing. Apparently they're too lazy to go to the Admissions department to get these pictures. And I practically had to hunt down some of these students for a simple picture. Gosh.

My anatomy lecturer...she's a very sweet lady...but she can't teach. And it's so unfortunate that she's our permanent anatomy lecturer. She's from India, and she has supposedly taught for 20 years, but it really doesn't show from the way she teaches. I wonder if it's just the language barrier because she seems to be convinced that she's saying one thing when she said another. For example, today she was doing a little review for our test on Thursday and she was saying that dorsiflexion at the ankle locks the knee. Huh? That makes no sense. So someone asked her about that. She's like "I didn't say that!" and then it turned out to be one big long debate over what she did or did not say. And this happens in practically EVERY class with her. Not only that, she doesn't let you finish your sentences and she answers your questions before you reach the 4th word. Ugh.

And then there's the fact that these people bring lecturers from the hospital...LOTS of different lecturers to teach us stuff and they all have different views. So when the exam comes around, these lecturers of ours don't seem to set any of our questions since it seems they never know when our exams are or what is supposed to be on them. They've been doing it for Embryology and Anatomy. And the same lecturer that I mentioned in the previous paragraph is the one who runs those courses, so she's the one setting the questions and she'll give us questions on what the other lecturers told us not to concentrate on. And that frustrates me so much! It just goes to show that there's is virtually NO communication going on within the faculty. Our last Embryology exam had questions about things that we've never been taught. Apparently those grades went up today so I'll check it out tomorrow.

We had over a month of Upper Limb lectures in anatomy and I think about a month for the Lower Limb. That's not right for a good few reasons.

1. the upper limb has fewer muscles than the lower limb to have to memorise
2. even though the upper and lower limb have the same number of compartments, in the lower limb the compartments do different things while in the upper limb it's all the same
3. the nerve supply from the spinal cord is much more complicated in the lower limb with more nerves to remember as well as what muscles they supply.
4. the foot has a heck of alot of muscles compared to..say..the hand, which by the way I STILL don't know anything about.
5. we're expected to learn about the leg (from the knee to the ankle) and foot in 2 lectures to be tested on them in the next week along with bone, joint and muscle diseases.

Basically, the lower limb is MUCH much more complex than the upper limb but we spent so much less time studying it. To be expected to know so much in so little time for ONE course is bad enough. But I've got lots of other tests around the same time too so that makes things even harder.

I hate how they pack all these tests in a week or 2 weeks. They've just been throwing tests at us since the beginning of October right up to the second to last week of lectures. There are 2 more weeks left till teaching ends and I cannot wait for that time to go. It also means I get to go to New York for Independence weekend and get some of my med text books and maybe a new phone! I would be so happy for a new one. I'd also be very happy for a new laptop as well since the audio has diminished by a little more than half since last week and I have to use headphones to hear anything properly.

I'm so tired of studying. And I'm so frustrated with our faculty. They just can't do anything properly! I understand it's the first year and all, but they should've been more prepared before they started the programme (I hear they've been planning it for years now...doesn't seem like it to me). We don't have our own building. We don't have our own equipment. We don't have anything that's ours! Not until next year...or so they say.

Ugh.
I feel much better now that I've typed out my frustrations =)

Such is Life

Independence day is on November 30th! I think there was a lighting ceremony in Bridgetown on the 1st of this month or so. During the month of November places around Barbados has up lights and stuff in celebration. Some of them are rather boring and plain and others...are still plain, but more interesting. They decorate the roundabouts along the highway. They've hung up some lights on some of the buildings in town...nothing special just a little yellow and blue. Kinda boring.
Also...the week is over! The week that usually holds all the hard tests! Wasn't a bad week after all actually =] Two more tests next week...with lots of work encompassed so, wish me luck with those! It's like another week like this one but with only 2 tests that are..back to back *sigh*

Back to the books!

Opening Act

Soo, never used blogspot before...so I guess you could say I'm totally new to it =] Not totally new to the whole blogging idea at least! I've never really been one to keep up with blogs...I start one, continue for awhile..get bored...start another...I actually haven't had a blog in awhile. But every so often it's nice to have a little place of my own to come to where I can just vent a little or just be randomly random =D

I should really be studying right now. I haven't really studied for the day...how awful...instead I've been floating around the net and ended up doing this! But really...I need to study...