Destructive Fun. Drink Responsibly.

Whoever said that fun had to be a destructive past-time?

What's worse than watching on as the people you love destroy their bodies slowly but surely being unable to stop them from what they deem to be fun? Well, I'm sure there are some things that are worse. I guarantee you though, when you try to warn them but they refuse to listen, all you can feel is heartbroken.

The result of a long night of 'fun': feeling groggy and tired with headaches, nausea and vomiting. That's the definition of 'feel-good' isn't it? Wrong. That's the definition of your body's rejection to your night time activity. And if you're not listening to me, you sure aren't going to be listening to your body either.

Now, I never once suggested stopping altogether. A little self-control would make me happy.

Alcohol abuse is a major problem within our society and yet it isn't viewed in such a way because it's considered the social 'norm'. People aren't often fazed by the effects of chronic alcohol consumption or even binge drinking because they have no idea just how badly it affects their body. Sure, it may appear as if some people escape the repercussions but you don't really know the inner workings of another's body, do you?

The excuse of "I hardly drink so there's no harm in getting drunk" is no excuse at all. Because when people think alcohol abuse, they only ever seem to think 'cirrhosis' but did you know that cirrhosis is irreversible and is the last thing that happens before your liver eventually gives out? Did you know that you may not even get to the point of cirrhosis if you manage to die of alcohol poisoning first?

Alcohol poisoning is a medical emergency. If you miss the symptoms, the result could be death. And binge drinking is the main cause of it.

A good pamphlet on Alcohol Poisoning. Click photo to enlarge.

I'm not hiding my concern about this newfound lifestyle some of my dearest friends have developed. I may come off as the party-pooper, the boring one, the one who's trying to stop all their fun. I know many others share a similar concern with a friend or loved one...be it alcohol, drugs, tobacco or any other substance.

Never hesitate to voice your concerns.

And if you find yourself to be guilty of a lack of control with your liquor, be considerate of your friends. They're concerned for your life.

Don't let your youth be an excuse for you to die young. Drink Responsibly.

Welcome To 2012!

Bye-bye 2011, I had an amazing year with you. Hello 2012, I hope to have more amazing experiences with you.

Twenty-twelve has arrived and people are getting hyped up! The big end-of-the-world doom is supposedly pending to occur on December 21 of this year. But who knows really? I don't know about Armageddon but I do know that, like all the preceding years, many impactful things are going to happen in the world.

I have some hopes for the year ahead but since I'll be entering my fifth and final year of medical school, I know things are really going to bear down on me and life's going to get a little tough. That said, I'm hoping for some positive reinforcements to jam their way into my life throughout the year so that it'll be just a little more bearable, a couple of which include:

1. Music Factory - May 27 - After last year's event, how could I not look forward to more? The date is wonderful too because I should be on one of my lighter rotations, allowing me to attend...all my clerkships following will be like working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. Phew.
2. Final year elective at Yale University - This is yet to be confirmed...I'm currently playing the waiting game with Yale University. Hopefully I'll be getting me a grand acceptance letter sometime this month! =) Since my 4th year elective at the Chinese University of Hong Kong didn't work out, this one has to! I'm looking forward to looking forward to 4 weeks in New Haven, Connecticut.

2011: A year in review - my personal experiences
Like I said, I had some amazing experiences in 2011 that made it one of the most eventful years of my 21 years of life. Since I'm an introvert who likes home and preferred to stay away from people, it doesn't take a whole lot of events to make a year eventful. Haha.

1. The start of my clinical year - January 2011 - Thrown into the abyss of clinical duties, I had a little rough, but meaningful start to my year. I've learnt many things and I've developed an even stronger resolve for my desire to study Naturopathic Medicine and enter an Integrative practice. In the span of a year, I've been exposed to so many experiences and, whether good or bad, I can certainly say that I treasure them all. One experience and one patient I believe I will forever remember was my last baby delivery of my Obstetrics & Gynaecology clerkship last month. Clinical experiences certainly encompass the majority of my year.
2. I turned 21 - April 2011 - I'm an adult! I had a huge celebration for my 21st birthday. It was like a party that lasted an entire weekend. My friends and I rented a beach house for a weekend and we all had an amazingly amazing time. The beach, a pool, good food, video games and a little alcohol made for an excellent weekend. A great way to unwind the weekend before I started my penultimate year of medical school. A weekend full of memories that I never want to forget. Interestingly, I never once mentioned this on my blog all year. =o
3. AnimeKon - July 2011 - After the first ever pop culture convention was held in Barbados in June 2010 with disappointment on my part, I have to say the second one held a lot of excitement for me. It could've gone either way but I had good faith in the organisers, Melissa & Omar who were both so kind to listen to the complaints and worked hard improve and impress...which, I must say, they did flawlessly. With, not only one, but two days of convention greatness they pulled off an epic unforgettable event! And, for the first time I cosplayed...Osaki Nana! A practical, but well put-together outfit that earned me some praise (humble much?) and introductions to tons of people those two days.
4. I travelled to New York on my own for the first time - September 2011 - It wasn't much of a trip. Just a quick little thing to grab some stuff I ordered like my awesome new Canon Powershot S95 (which I'm absolutely in love with).
5. My blog celebrated its 3rd birthday - October 2011 - Not a huge event but, you know, I feel great pride in being able to maintain something for such a long time since I typically don't have the discipline to keep up with things for long periods of time. Take my health blog, for example. Don't get me wrong, I haven't dropped it like a bomb yet but I just haven't been able to keep up with it the way I would have liked. My last post was in July but there was a 4 month lull between that and the preceding posts which were weekly. With 5th year coming up, I'm even less likely to get back into it, as much as I'd like to...it's already a little difficult trying to keep up-to-date on this one. Ha. I haven't forgotten my YouTube channel either but, gee, video editing is time consuming...time has become such a precious resource for me...I think I'd like to just sit and talk to my webcam...but I never know what to talk about. Ideas anyone? =)
6. Music Factory - November 2011 - I never thought I'd be so into an event like this. To be honest, I almost chose not to go and the only reason I chose to go was because I was extremely stressed out (leading to an almost breakdown) from my Pathology clerkship and wanted to just get out and get some relief, plus all my friends were going. I definitely made the right decision to go. And now I'm looking forward to May 27!

It's been a long year, quick in passing but one that has introduced me into 2012 as a more matured person. I'm still young so there's still some maturation to be developed but it'll come as the experiences come. I look forward to facing them head on and standing strong in the face of defiance, after all, character is built when we survive our hardest experiences.

And, while much of my year was enjoyable, I know there are tens of thousands of people in the world who have suffered many losses. Whether the disaster that struck was within your personal life or environmental (like the earthquake in Haiti as well as other major earthquakes around the world and the tsunami of Japan), I hope you were able to overcome those obstacles successfully. Hold fast in your faith and know that things will get better.

Here's hoping we survive 2012!

I give you my warmest wishes for a year of blessings, especially within tragedies.

Contradictions

I write about how time flies so quickly so often that people must get tired of reading it. "Okay! I get it already! You think time is just flying right on by!" is probably what you're thinking, right? Right.

Now that I've said that for the hundredth time, I'm quite happy to see the time passing me so quickly. The bad days of medical school just sail on without a glance back at me. And that's wonderful. But at the same time, that means that the harder study days are coming up. The days which will be tougher and more torturous are coming at me faster than I can prepare for and the prospect scares me.

I feel more than ready to graduate but I'm most certainly not equipped to handle my final and toughest year of medical school! I'm more than ready to complete my internship and go overseas to study what my heart feels truly connected to but I'm far from equipped to tackle those 12-months. It's a contradiction. I want the time to continue zooming forward but at the same time, I feel like I need more time to prepare myself for the difficult times I know I have coming up.

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." ~ Alan Kay

I'm the kind of person who plans their future in advance. I like to know what I should prepare myself for and the future I dream of, I can't wait to obtain. Allopathic medicine is by far the last thing I want to be practicing and I'm frequently frustrated by the thinking of many (but not all) conventional doctors. I think it contributes to my wanting to finish medical school quickly. I'm just so frustrated with it all. I chose to do allopathic medicine because I wanted insight into what these practitioners think like...I wanted to understand why they think the way they think...why so many of them can be so closed minded to alternative or complementary therapies. And I've slowly come to understand it in my time in medical school. Doctors teach students and pass on their beliefs and knowledge about their practices. The same goes for their beliefs about alternative practices. And it's something that can't be helped. But that stubborn sort of thinking cannot work for much longer, not when populations of people are becoming more aware of the advantages offered elsewhere. It is good to have knowledge of both sides of the table because you need to be able to advise a patient about interactions that could be fatal. And that's where integrative medicine comes in. An adequate mixture of allopathic and naturopathic medicine.

Today, one of my lecturers who is a general practitioner in one of our public polyclinics told us a number of stories of patients he has seen in practice recently. Patients who have had live microscopy where they're told that the practitioner says there's all sorts of bacteria and fungi. In allopathic medicine, this is a sign of serious blood infection. This is a story of concepts not understand by doctors. There was a story of a patient who went to an iridologist and was told she had fibroids after he looked at her iris so she went to this GP and he sent her for an ultrasound which showed a perfectly normal uterus. No matter the story, the opinion left on conventional doctors is that of disbelief. It's no wonder these negative opinions are made when patients present to them with problems and stories from alternative medicine practitioners. But, naturally, persons with successful stories don't normally end up in a GP's office. And so, such terrible reputations are built against alternative medicine, reinforcing the lack of belief.

All that to say, integrative medicine is what I truly want to do. I truly want to go into natural medicine. I want to study and understand it more. I want to practice integrative medicine. It's the ideal practice of medicine, in my opinion, as it offers the best options for patients. It's the middle ground between the two extremes with good understanding either way. Most certainly, not a contradiction.

Parents are people, too

As we grow older, we see our parents differently with each stage we pass through until we eventually reach a point where we realise that our parents...they're people too. It's something that I've been thinking about for awhile now. With every passing year, I learnt something more about my Mom and with every step closer to adulthood, I feel more and more like I'm coming onto more equal ground with her.

She tells me stories about her youth...what things were like in her day living in Hong Kong and even little bits of what my grandparents (her parents) were like. My grandfather died long before I was even born and my grandmother doesn't speak any English, and since I don't speak any Cantonese, I can't learn anything about her from her directly. It's kind of sad and it's one of my biggest reasons for wanting to learn the language, if only I had the time and resources. Over time I've come to realise that she, like any other person, has had dreams and goals which she once aspired to. I've learnt about the numerous hardships she's had to endure, particularly after her move to an English-speaking country when she knew no English at all. Today, she has become a very successful woman and, for a lesser educated Chinese person, she has extremely well-spoken English.

Trailing back to my childhood...

I don't remember very much but what I do recall from my childhood was all very memorable. My Mom was the scariest person alive to me. Her punishments were mean and cruel and I was afraid to do anything drastic for fear of possible repercussions. But she was also very nice sometimes. She may not have known the answers to everything but she'd help me with my homework and let me sleep with her when I was afraid of something. She'd let me play with my friends and gave me toys and dress me up to look pretty. She let me go away with her and let me see all sorts of wonderful sights and sounds. She took me to Disneyland and Universal Studios. She threw me birthday parties. At the end of the day she was a wonderful, albeit scary, Mom.

Re-thinking my teenage years...
I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend. I wasn't allowed to go out at night. I wasn't allowed to do very much at all. She dictated my life and didn't let me have any fun at all! Or, at least, that's what I used to think. In retrospect, I can now say that I'm quite happy with the way I was raised as a teenager. Had I been allowed to party at night, I would be an entirely different person today. And I absolutely love the person I am now. I can understand her reasoning for not allowing the things she did not want me to have or do. But, as teenagers, we're so caught up with what we want and what's going on with our peers that we think, "My parents don't understand me at all! It's like they forgot what it was like to be young!". In reality, they understand the teenage years better than we did, after all, they lived through those years themselves. It's not that they forgot, they just have a habit of not wanting us to make the same mistakes as they did. They're trying to enforce what they believe to be the better way of growing up during those hormonally-driven years. It's not that they don't understand us, it's US who don't understand THEM. And many of us don't even try to understand them. I always used to say, "When I grow up, I'll never be like my mother!"

Discovering the truth...
As the years flew by and life became less dramatic, I came out of my self-obsessed hormonally-driven state. I never knew how difficult a time she had, moving to Barbados, living in Barbados, learning English, raising a child. Many stories delivered to me over a number of years have opened my eyes as I finally took a good look at the amazing woman who raised me. She's a person. Just another person, like everyone else. Like everyone else who has had a dream career for which there was no opportunity to pursue...because life had different plans in store. Like everyone else who has had interests and love and true hardships.

Dreaming their dreams...
We live in a time that's laden with blessings and we don't even realise. We've grown up in what one could call a spoilt generation. Many of people know the pains of war and hardship but many of us don't. We haven't lived through terrors. We wake up each morning without a second thought about how grateful we should be to be alive. I've been told many stories about the wars of China and the things my Mom's family have had to live through. It's no wonder why Chinese people are as formidable as they are and it makes me proud to have family who survived those times. They are strong people. But they never got to live their dreams.

It wasn't easy surviving those days. It wasn't easy giving up on dreams which were out of reach. It wasn't easy raising us. The least we could do is dream for them as we dream our dreams. They want only for us to have what they could not: the joys of seeing our dreams come to fruition. They deserve that much, don't they?

I've come to realise recently, that I'm very much like my Mom. A decade ago, I didn't want to be anything like my Mom. Today, I love the person who I was raised into. And I look up to, respect and love the person who raised me like no other.

I recently saw a video that portrays what I've said really well, actually. Something nice that I thought I'd share. "The Six Ways You'll See Your Dad" by CollegeHumor.

Getting To Know NY A Little

I often tell people that I'm not a big fan of New York. I know many people whoa re just in love with the city and all it has to offer but I can't say I stand on the same ground. Maybe it's that I've never really experience the city in its entirety. Usually my trips are very short and I never see much apart from the places I specifically go to, to do what needs to be done and I'm normally driven to these places.

This trip was slightly different. Actually, it was different in many ways. I had no car to move about in so I utilised the yellow cab, subway and my feet, discovering a part of New York that I never got a chance to learn about. For once, I got the chance to see and experience New York beyond the windows of the car. This time I travelled alone and, for the first time, flew on jetBlue Airways. This trip has had quite a few firsts for me, making it drastically different from all the rest.

I had the luxury of walking through the streets and properly experiencing the sights and scents of the city. I had the opportunity to walk through a little street fair on my way to the hairdresser. I walked among the large masses that crowd the sidewalks trying to remain aware of myself. It's not the first time that I've had to walk along the sidewalk with so many people but I was never particularly bothered by it in Hong Kong like I was here in New York. Somehow, crowds seem more organised in Hong Kong, or maybe it's just my imagination. I think, though, the crazy crowds along with all the strange scents and dirt of the city was what bothered me. In comparison, Hong Kong is a lot cleaner and not filled with so many different scents to tickle my nostrils so walking among the crowd never was much of a bother. Not to mention, that sense of belonging I have when I'm in Hong Kong, no matter how many people surround me, makes me comfortable.

If there's anything I like doing, it's people-watching. No matter where I am, it will always be remotely entertaining to watch people go about their business. I got a good chance for that while on the subway to and from the house. I saw a couple who were each on their phones while still remaining in a cuddled position; a man wearing a white T-shirt, bright yellow shorts, sneakers and a backpack (it was about 14°C outside); a woman reading a magazine and her neighbour taking a peek at the pages; a man in a pink shirt holding only his phone and a notebook and pen...fiddling with the pages of his notebook; a guy listening to music while falling asleep; a man playing the accordion while his wife and young daughter walked about the train car for tips (it was the last thing I expected but at least it sounded nice). The list goes on and on.

I saw so many different people with so many distinct personalities and I thought to myself, I could neither stand out nor blend in with a city like this. This city filled with so many cultures and personalities somehow manages to give me this feeling of suppression. As such, all I've said before about how I don't really like New York still stands. I'm rather uncomfortable here and, honestly, without even a small sense of belonging (which this city is completely void of, even after years of visiting), I could never feel any satisfaction about living here if I had to. In fact, I'd be sure to avoid it at all costs.

My Greatest Flaw

By law of nature, nobody is perfect. We all have flaws and there's nothing wrong with aiming for perfection as long as we remember that perfection can never be attained. It makes sense to have the desire to learn and improve your flaw, whatever they may be. I think that makes up part of the fun of life...learning about ourselves. I've been doing it for years now, focussing on myself and trying to be a better me in any way I can. But my greatest flaw is my biggest weakness.

I completely lack self-discipline. Honestly, I can't keep up with something for more than a few weeks...a few months if I'm really determined. My determination to keep up a routine or regimen or anything that requires some amount of discipline is always short-lived and I don't understand why. Take this blog, for example. My posts are very irregular and I do wish to post more often than I do. In fact, oftentimes I have stuff to share but just, for some reason, never get to it. This post too! I've been meaning to type this since yesterday and I'm finally doing it because the thought came back to me again and again, "you didn't do it last time so at least make this post." Or something like that.

There are many, more major, things that require self-discipline in my life. From maintaining an exercise routine to stay fit to maintaining the organisation of certain things to studying. All of those things are equally important in my life but, at the moment, I would say that my lack of studying is my most daunting problem, especially in my fourth year of medical school. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it this far. I feel unknowledgeable and that needs to change, desperately.

One would think, start small and work your way up. But if I can't even take my daily supplements as I should twice a day and not once or even make regular blog posts as I want to, then how do I tackle the bigger fishies? For some reason, if I think I want to do something, I can never find the motivation or determination to actually get up and do it. Instead I let myself get caught up in a world where time just passes me and by the end of the unproductive day, I can't say that I know what I've done. It's ridiculous really.

Regardless, I'll continue working on improving myself. I hope you do too!

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Indications of Change

Everyone goes through various stages of life trying to find who they are and what they like. People are constantly changing as they grow.

When I was a little girl, I used to love the colour pink, Barbie, long nails, nail polish, long hair, dresses and wearing my Mom's oversized shoes. A was truly an adorable little girl.

When I was a youthful teenager, I developed a nasty hate for the colour pink, discarded any prior attachments to Barbies, left behind my positive feelings about heels and pretty much became a tomboy who liked dark nail polish, long hair and nails. When I started taekwondo, the nail polish and long nails went "bye bye!" and I happily left them behind. By then, I developed this interest in awesome baggy pants and had couldn't give a care in the world about things like make up or fashion. In fact, those things were virtually non-existent to me.

Ever since I've entered medical school, I've evolved further into another person altogether. I still have quite the distaste for the colour pink, grew to like heels (but only thick ones that aren't any taller than 3"! Those pointy stick heels are absolutely absurd), grew out of the baggy pants but still prefer pants over skirts. I'm starting to grow to like skirts too! I still like my nails short, but that's because it's easier to handle my touchscreen accessories with short nails...or, no nails. I'm not a big fan of nail polish because it's like poison to your nails. Bad stuff. My hair? I'm absolutely loving it short these days and that's because I have problems with keeping it long. Recently, I've gained an interest in make up.
It's interesting to think back on my interests in previous stages of my development and I often wonder how I will further develop in the future...at some point, I'll reach a level that's just right for me. I've developed reasons for the things I do as life moves along...like my reasons for keeping my hair and nails short, and why I don't use nail polish.

In much the same way as a single cell develops into a talented human being, I'm developing. I'm changing. I'm learning. I'm growing.

What about you? Have you ever sat down to think about how you've evolved over the years? 

This was my reflection on my physical appearance and interests over the past 20 years. As for my personality and internal development, I guess I can save that for later. =)

I'll tell you one thing that hasn't ever wavered: my love for cute things and stuffed animals!

Looking Towards The Future

This past week, I've been absolutely obsessed with one thing in the whole entire world: Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine!

I've looked at a couple of naturopathic schools, gracefully skipping over the ones in the U.S. If you're wondering why, it's just because, for some reason, I'm not very fond of having to reside in America for any length of time. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just New York that I'm uncomfortable with, but the country just doesn't sit with me very well. Granted, I haven't visited many other states...I've been to Florida but my memories there are too vague. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to visit and I'd very much like to visit other states in the U.S.

So, I've looked towards Canada and England. I haven't found any places in England that's really caught my eye the way CCNM has managed to. In fact, I'm starting to wonder how it so firmly managed to gain my priority attention. Maybe, just maybe, it was meant to be. Things just happen like that, you know?

CCNM is a very well accredited naturopathic school that would allow me to practice as a naturopathic doctor (N.D.) in Canada and U.S. states that allow such practices. It's got a rivetingly rigorous programme that would seriously challenge one's mind and skills. Clinic work is even incorporated from semester 1! I think that's pretty amazing. And the degree encompasses a wide range of natural medicine techniques from acupuncture, botanical medicine, hydrotherapy and Asian diagnosis techniques (such as pulse and tongue diagnosis)! It's amazing! It's just so exciting!

I've been looking at the website every day since the day I discovered it and I manage to find new information floating about. I've even found a Survival Manual from last year on the Naturopathic Students' Association (N.S.A.) website. It's an excellent guide for people (like myself) who are unfamiliar with Toronto and the general area, as well as a basic guide for surviving first year. I've discovered a list of clubs at the college, the nearest food places, shopping places, health food stores, subway exits and more. It's just been all fun for me.

Now, if you've managed to read this far into my slightly obsessive post, you may (or may not) be thinking that I'm a little crazy for finding all this information for a school that I cannot attend for, at least, another 4 years. Yeah, that's right, I've mapped out my future for, probably, the next 4-8 years. So, I know exactly what I want in life, big deal. You may be thinking "Geez, why don't you just focus on the studies at hand so that you could get good grades to make it into the school!" Well, you should read my previous post.

I've lost any motivation I once had to properly study for medical school. It's been one boring day after the other and I feel like I'm being taught little in my classes. No motivation = No studying. Discovering CCNM has lit a fire in me that no other school or programme I've seen has managed to do. I'm motivated to do well once more because I have something to work towards...somewhere to work towards. An escape. A dream, almost forgotten.

Of course, there's also the fact that I don't know what kind of procedures would be necessary for me to apply to CCNM. Now that I know, I know it's not exactly the simplest procedure and I know that my university is far from efficient. So, it's best to learn these things early so that I'm properly prepared and don't waste any time in life.

That almost-forgotten dream? I remember when I made the resolution like it was this morning.

More complaints...

Dear all,

I've not forgotten you. I could never so easily forsake my blog without any forewarning (though I'm sure I've gone much longer without making an entry). Life has just been...a bore.


This is more or less the set up of the class I'm in. Every day. Minus the American flag. It often feels like I'm in secondary school again. The only upgrade is that I'm in a building with solid walls, roof and floor. I basically spent my final year of secondary school in a broken down shack. Not that I'm complaining.

Often, I wish we could make use of our own lecture theatre on campus but that's a dream that will have no chance for realisation. I'm moving over to the clinical setting next year. That lovely lecture theatre I'd like to have my lectures in? No more of that. But day by day, I drive to campus, sign a sheet of paper with each hour of class I'm in to indicate that I was indeed present because attendance is oh-so-important, you know, just like when we were in primary school.

A daily routine of sleeping, eating, going to class, eating, going to more classes, eating, studying and sleeping once more (with some showers here and there to keep clean) has taken it's toll. I've been doing this for 16 years of my life without a break in between and, you know what? I'm tired of it. Tired of living the same days over and over again. Tired to the point where I've no motivation to pick up a book and study anymore. No motivation. Every opportunity for a break from this cycle is welcome. That's partly why I'm glad I joined the M.S.A...it brings the only difference in my current academic life. Starting January, there'll be more hands-on experience and not-as-much classroom experience and I'm looking forward to that, immensely.

It's no secret that I've been dying to leave the island too. The life I live here is, as stated above, quite routine. A cycle of daily events. There's little else to do in the country and I can't do anything about it. Today, I gave myself a little excitement: I searched for naturopathic schools in Canada. I searched for naturopathic schools in England awhile ago too. I know these two territories are great places for me to obtain the degree I strive for. Search and search and I found the one I'd absolutely love to go to for my ND: Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine.

So, watch out Toronto, I'm making my way over in 4 years' time. Wait for it. My great escape.

I'm Tired

You know that saying that goes "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach"? I'm like that...but with life in general. I tend to take on just a little more than I can apparently handle and have this habit of falling just a little bit behind.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I take on as many tasks as I know I can handle. My only problem is that I'm incredibly good at wasting my time. Now, I like to keep really busy so that's why I've been doing all that I've been doing lately and that's perfectly fine. I can easily have very sufficiently efficient days. But if I get tired, the way the stress of last weekend left me, I tend to get rather lazy and fall behind. As a result, I'm behind on work at school despite the fact that I'd really like to read up the necessary information.

I typically spend a grand portion of my days on computers and I've become accustomed to that...to staring at a big 17" screen all day long. But I'm tired of it. A lot of my reading material happens to be online and that's fine...it's printable. But I'm even given chapters on Google Books to read and that's just not very efficient to me but at the same time...I don't want to read them on the computer. So it's like, hmmm, what to do? Somehow, I end up catching up on Naruto or sleeping.

The joys of stress; of being tired; of university.

Letting Go of The Unnecessities

A lot of people are caught up in their lives doing the most trivial things. These are the things that keep them busy all day long but what purpose does it serve, apart from consuming our precious time? What does it really benefit?

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." - Carl Sandburg

There are so many small distractions that make perfect time wasters, wasting time by the hour. Facebook applications, reading up on the lives of celebrities, website after website, what purpose do these really serve? Will these benefit us or the people around us?

This year, I've become more involved in a lot of things. Now a certified biofeedback technician and treasurer of the Medical Students' Association has given me more responsibilities to aid, not only for my own life, but the lives of so many individuals. As a result, I've started giving up much of these trivial time-wasting things.

I've deleted a number of Facebook applications, leaving one which I know I'll be deleting soon enough. I no longer care about what happens in the lives of celebrities. They live their lives however they please and there's no need for me to waste my time reading up and watching videos about them on fan-based websites. What's the point? If someone tells me about it, then so be it but I will no longer give my time to these things.

There are still many things to let go of...I'm slowly letting go one by one. The fan-based celebrity websites were the first to go, followed by my recent deletion spree of applications on Facebook. Needless to say, I've had a few friends say something to me about the deleting.

This is Earth and it's moon seen from Mercury. Image from Discovery.

When you see things like this, you realise that Earth, in itself, is such a minuscule blob in an expansive galaxy which, among galaxies, is small. Why do we dwell on the unimportant? Why not dwell on the beneficial? Why do we search for ways to waste time when we can spend it wisely instead? How about you pick up that hobby you've been dying to do again? How about you learn a new language? Why not prune those abilities and give them a polish? If you don't feel you're particularly good at anything then maybe you'll want to look to discover that thing you're good at. We're all good at one thing, whether you know what it is or not.

It may be a small world we live in but I'd like to be able to make a difference in it. After all, I only have one life and a short one at that.

Did you know that Earth and it's moon appear as a double planet from Mercury?

That Feeling You Get

Many persons were not aware of this: I'm currently in Trinidad. I'll be here until Wednesday and then I'll be returning home. My trip wasn't entirely planned from awhile ago like my trips usually are...it was done just the week before. So, what am I in Trinidad for?

I'm currently taking a certificate course in Biofeedback Basic Training. Basically, I'm trained to use a machine. But, there's more than that. Maybe someday I'll explain this in greater detail.

"Energy is all there is." - Albert Einstein

This is the concept with which this training revolves. One must be open in mind, spirit and body to accept the weight and possibilities and challenges involved with what we're currently learning about. Open the mind to the energies around you.

Doesn't it sound interesting? Someday I'll talk about it.

My class consists of 8 people: from The Wellness Center in Barbados and the Center for Disease Prevention in Trinidad...my parents' companies. These people are being trained to use this system. Our ages vary but most people are in their 30s and 40s. I'm the youngest person being trained. Some people are very open and acceptable and don't undermine me. But, you know what? There's one person who is not. No words need to be said. I just know that this individual doesn't seem to believe in my capability...or merely refuses to accept it. You know that feeling you get when someone doesn't listen to what you're saying (even though you're right) because they think you're inferior? Surely, you do.

It's a bit of a rant from here on. Feel free to read...or not read.

Because this blog is read by so many people close to me that I'm unaware of, I won't even be specific about the gender of this individual. When this person does something and I question the reliability of what is being done, the response I receive is one that has the undertone of "who do you think you are to be asking that?". When this person turns out to be wrong and I interject with what is actually correct, the defensive position is suddenly taken and I start to feel attacked. It's like "you're not the tutor, you really think you know so much more than me?" -_-

The question is not that I know more or less. We are in the same class. We are learning the same thing from the same person. But, you know what? You may not be absorbing as much information as I am. You may not remember every single word that was said. I'm not saying that I remember every word but I do remember most. Once I pay attention and I'm engaged in what's being taught, I tend to soak in and retain information like a Bounty paper towel. Once this individual starts getting defensive, I instinctively do the same and then I will quote precisely what this person said and when they said it. Of course, no one's gonna just let go. This person? Refuses to admit to being wrong. How prideful.

Remember what I said about being open to the idea of energy and this course? Energy is a flowing life force and we have to learn to understand it. That is what this is about. How can you be open to the ideas that are being placed on the plates before us if you can't even be open to the idea that someone twice younger than you can correct you when you're wrong? How ironic.

How pathetic.

On a night like any other...

...I sit and ponder.

You know how there are those nights when all you do is think? Think about anything: yourself, your future, your goals, your current situations, upcoming events, your friends, colleagues, acquaintances. Tonight was one of those nights. I sit and I see a future that hasn't yet happened and can only hope they will. Tough times are ahead as time will pass by but I know that I have grown enough to handle them and that they will help me grow more so that I can face the tougher.

Tonight is one of those nights...

...I feel inspired to do something great. It's one of those nights that I remember what I truly desire; one of those nights that I feel the fire of my passions kindle inside.

I had an interview Monday. Just a short, simple, relaxed interview with the Director of the Montreal Neurological Institute. I do believe it went well. This interview stirred up the emotions I feel tonight. Voicing the things I strongly desire have rooted them even deeper within me. Then, as I returned home, my Mom asked me what any mother would ask: How did the interview go? A question that merely reinforced my drive.

You probably wonder what it is that I'm so interested in, so passionate about. The things I enjoy studying, learning about, applying: holistic/natural medicine, genetics, the mind. I hope that one day, these three things will attain a perfect mixture in my career.

This summer we're doing a research course. A 9 week course that started this week. I've applied for an externship to do research at an external site in the hopes of seeing what true research is about. Rather than these silly "research projects" in Barbados that include survey. Surveys are boring and I hate statistics. Why did I say this? Because I've been somewhat interested in research before but, being unsure of what the field is like, I can't say I'm really interested or not. I do hope that I'll be placed at the site I'd like to go to and get first hand exposure to it.

When I was a little girl with a single-digit age, I used to like playing teacher. Of course, I also liked playing doctor. We already know which path I'm on. But I still haven't completely excluded the teaching aspect. I have a desire to spread good knowledge that people should know. Information that can change peoples' lives. Maybe someday, later in life, I may take up this role again. I have a friend who tells me that I explain things in a very simple way and I've come around a good few cases where I've helped clear up misunderstandings about many things for people. I apparently give decent explanations, even though I personally don't quite feel that way sometimes. Ha.

So, tonight was one of those nights that you sit and contemplate life.

Artsy

Salamander tsuba. Sword guard. Forged by Brian Chan. He makes swords too!

Crafts. Music. Drawing. Painting. Writing. Poetry. Film.

≈Creativity≈

When I listen or see the things people create and it's great, I feel inspired. The desire to create something great just bubbles up inside. I think it's the inner child creativity in me.

When I was smaller I used to love making stuff. I was always making stuff...a hand-crafty sort of person. And I used to love it. But it's been years. Ever since I got my first laptop, it all went down hill. I slowly stopped making stuff and spent a whole lot more time on the computer. I still do. And I don't make stuff at all anymore. It's so sad. When I made my Mom an origami flower for Mother's Day, I felt that little child in me try to tickle her way out. Making something with my hands again...it felt amazing. I'm going to try to get the creativity flowing once more and hopefully keep it going. It's a gift I don't think people should so carelessly let go of.

Done with a single piece of paper. No cuts or anything.

For instance, this guy: Brian Chan. He does origami, graphic designs, metalwork (above).

I love Wall-E! So, of course, I absolutely loved this work of art. Brian is a genius!

See more of Brian's genius at work here. I saw this and thought it was quite nice:

Artists of all kinds. I'm finding more and more of them on YouTube. But, that's a story for another time. Musicians, graphic artists, photographers, film makers...they grab my attention and inspire and motivate me to do more for myself. (It explains my recent interest in photography!) Remind me that I have it in me to make something great too. I still try to keep up with my poetry. =)

We should all try to explore the gifts we have. Whether you're aware of it or not, you have a wonderful gift unique to you and only you. What's your gift?

Hong Kong. Why?

So, I've been asked this question a couple of times and I thought I'd share my response with everyone else: Why do you want to move all the way to Hong Kong? Why Hong Kong?

The shortest possible answer I could give you: My family is there and I'm comfortable.

Yeah, so what? You were born in Barbados...it's your home...aren't you comfortable here? Honestly. I'd have to say no.

Sure, I do feel a sense of comfort here. It's the place I've grown up for more than half my life. It's safe. I have my friends here. I have that comfort. But living my life here, I'm not truly happy; I'm not comfy...I'm just living it and dying to leave it all. This place...I don't like it.

I don't like standing out like a huge zit on someone's nose. I hate that strangers walk past me while cat-calling all sorts of things like "Ching Chong! Ni hao! Konnichiwa! Chiney!" in complete ignorance. I hate that when I walk through any place, I feel people (adults and children alike) staring at me and when I look them in the eye they suddenly turn the other way and shuffle along their business. Would you feel comfortable living like that? Just because I'm a Chinese person living in a predominantly Black country.

When I was about 12, I hated that I was Chinese; that I was different and attracted all this attention; that I just stood out in the population. I didn't want to be different. I wanted to fit in. But I can't change what I am and what I look like. Eventually, I came to embrace my culture and my differences and, now, I couldn't be any more proud to be Chinese.

Of course, I've visited countries where I didn't stand out. So, why not live in one of those? Why go to Hong Kong when I don't even speak Cantonese? Because the environment doesn't feel right. England is lovely but something about it keeps me feeling unsettled. New York is cool but the city looms over my back and I wouldn't go anywhere there on my own. Miami is nice but something about the air keeps me on my toes. Hong Kong is amazing and my only "but" is that I don't speak the language.

Moving around Hong Kong is easy. Heck, I even led the way when I was told where we were going sometimes. I didn't have to tag along behind, unsure of where to go. The city is as gorgeous as any other with towering buildings and architecture. Yet it doesn't have the incredibly scary and dominating feel to it. There, I'm just like anyone else. No one gets nosey and fixes their eyes at me. I'm not afraid or uncomfortable.

On my trip to Hong Kong last December, we had a family dinner to attend but I was feeling unwell and I everyone to go on without me. I wasn't feeling well and I wanted to stay home and rest. So, I did. My Mom brought it up with me the other night asking "Weren't you afraid to be home alone that night? And we were out so late too." I hadn't realised it until she asked: I wasn't afraid at all. In fact, I felt right at home. I answered the phone when it rang and walked around a bit. I didn't once feel afraid or worried even though I was in a country that I visited only two times prior to this trip. I was practically in a country I was unfamiliar with but it really didn't feel that way.

Since my return in January, I've been saying that I want to live in Hong Kong..for a number of reasons. But it wasn't until two nights ago that I realised just how happy and comfortable I am there. It's a comfort that I haven't felt anywhere else. A sense of belonging.

In short:

• I'm comfortable and happy in Hong Kong.
• I want to get to know my family there better. Because even though we don't speak the same language, I'm closer to them as family than I am with my family here in Barbados. Language is a barrier that is simple to overcome.
• And, of course, I can't possibly forget the weather. The summers are really hot like Barbados can be...or maybe even a little hotter...but there is a winter. The half-a-year or so of perfectly cool temperatures makes me happy. It's good to know that I won't have to feel like I'm about to suddenly burst into flames 365 days a year.

There are also a number of trivial reasons for my wanting to live in Hong Kong. When I move away from Barbados, I believe there are two things that I would truly miss:

1. Fresh coconut water
2. The beaches (even though I rarely go, it's nice to look at.)

Sorry about the somewhat long post. I felt like sharing a piece of myself with the world.

This is who I am. This is how I feel. This is me.

Understand?

Some parents just don't get it. Studying isn't as simple as just...studying. It takes a lot of mental effort to be able to repeatedly read and retain vast amounts of information.

The more active the brain is, the more energy it uses. We become mentally exhausted, take breaks, eat and nap in order to replenish our energy reserves. Then to psych ourselves up to repeat the cycle over and over until exams are over.

It can be so hard to readjust your thinking processes from relaxed to memory and recall. Reading is more than just looking at a page and seeing the words. It's analysis of the words we look at and the sentences they create to come to an understanding of what is being said in the sentence, paragraph or chapter.

Once I get started with studying, I can seriously go on for awhile, take some bathroom breaks and some naps and get right back to it. But once the flow is disrupted by, say, a phone call from a parent telling me to do this, that and the other, I'm completely knocked off my axis and cannot possibly continue. Having to perform other actions that I have to psych my mind up to then to go back to studying right after? Difficult. I'm busy, let me concentrate. When I bother my Mom when she's busy, she bites my head off. I express a little frustration because I'm busy, she gives me a lecture about how I should just do what she asks and stop complaining (I don't actually complain, I merely grunt).

It's not fair to be busted like that just because I'm not the one who pays the bills and makes the money. I can't do it yet, duh. I just wish parents could be so much more understanding of how not-s0-simple studying is. It's more than merely reading a few books and making a few notes. So many mental processes are conducted that we can't even imagine.

I see...the future

I've been corresponding with a friend in Jamaica via email lately and only recently discovered a startling fact. Non-UK trained medical graduates will not be eligible to apply for posts by the NHS. How disappointing.

For a little while, I wanted to do some medical training in England if I got the chance but recently changed my mind to Hong Kong (and I've been obsessed with it ever since). I guess it's a good thing I had a change of heart! It would've been nice to have had the option anyway, though.

All this got me thinking and I realised that I had no idea what it would take for an individual such as myself to be able to practice in Hong Kong. And so, I made use of Google. Turns out, I would have to take Hong Kong's Medical Licensing Examination after having completed 5-years of full time medical training (thank goodness my degree is 5 years long instead of 4 years like in some other universities!) and a 12 month internship. After having passed this 3-part examination, then I'm entitled to a 12 month internship period. Once this is successfully completed, I'm free to register as a medical practitioner with the Medical Council of Hong Kong.

Of course, after acquiring this set of information, I've mapped out the next 10 years of my life. I'm really set on Hong Kong. I love what I'm learning and will continue to do so; I'll laugh through the hardships; I have huge dreams to which I aspire and I know one day I will reap the merits of achievement. This is what lies in my heart and it is this that gave birth to my own little mantra:

Love. Learn. Laugh. Dream. Aspire. Achieve.

Every time I see this, I remind myself to take one step at a time while keeping my eyes fixed on the goal. I don't know very much about the healthcare system in Hong Kong but I'll definitely educate myself in the system and the language.

Living Life

"Looking at the hand of time we've been given here

This is all we've got and we've gotta start picking it

Every second counts on a clock that's ticking"

[The Script - Live Like We're Dying]

Life is such a precious gift granted to us and we don't have a whole lot of time to live it.

"We've only got 86 400 seconds in a day to

Turn it all around or throw it all away"

[The Script - Live Like We're Dying]

A lot of people spend such an incredible amount of time being depressed and "in the blue" and forget that there are others around them who care for them. It's understandable to feel a little down when certain events occur. It's unreasonable to

believe that there's something so wrong with you that you believe your existence is nothing but a hindrance in the life of others.

"He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on the solid ground and steadied me as I walked along"

[Psalm 40:2, NLT]

Death remains a mystery. Does one really get the freedom one looks for in death? Or does one suffer much agony if one takes one's life? I'm in no rush to find out.

"We never know a good thing till it's gone

You never see a crash until it's head on"

[The Script - Live Like We're Dying]

There are so many great things on Earth to live for. Adventures, mysteries, sights and wonders of the earth and universe in the sky above, goals, family, friends...even strangers. It is my goal to become the best person I can be to help others...friends and strangers alike...because the life of another means the world to me. Sometimes just a simple "hello" is all the comfort a person needs.

What happens next? No one can really know. But I look forward to it each step a take, over the good stones and the bad.

So tell me, what are you living for?

Playing Tag With Time

Whether you do or don't realise it, at some point in time, everyone starts playing a game of tag with time. Somehow, procrastination becomes a new friend for many and, with it, comes baggage: excuses.

Time is a precious commodity that, once lost, cannot be regained.

The majority of teenagers and young adults choose to remain awake until the wee hours of the morning. Why? A common excuse: "I'm afraid I'll miss out on something important." However, whatever happens at night, is bound to be reported during the day...for those who were asleep. Does this mean that those spouting this excuse think that nothing happens during the day? And what could be worth putting your body's circadian rhythm out of tune? One can't possibly think that it does any good for the body's health, or am I wrong?

I'd say that excuse is pretty lousy, but then, all excuses are. Why wait until the last minute to do important stuff? Procrastinating until the night before a deadline to get around to "studying" for an exam or to rush to start and complete a project/assignment in a single night? Some people say that this works for them, but I'm fairly sure it's not something that can work for everything.

I was once a crammer. It worked incredibly well for me. Studying? That wasn't something I could manage easily. Now, where cramming once got me a B or A, I'll barely get passes. Studying is a habit that I had to learn. If I play around for just a week, I'll only be giving myself a hard time catching up. Trying to reclaim time that was merely wasted. Of course, I don't overwork myself. It does me no good to run my brain till it shuts down.

Limitation is key to good time management. I just think that some people shouldn't push their luck and suffer the consequences of it. Straighten up your priorities, get rid of bad habits and set your mind to it. Don't say "It's not that easy". It's as hard as you want it to be. Limitations are good...but only in your lifestyle.

Don't limit your possibilities. After all, without our dreams, what would we be living for?

Trust, Change & Friendship

Life is an ocean tide

Love is the sweetest honey

Friendship is a double-edged sword

And betrayal runs as deep as the scarlet flowing within us.

By: Me

I've been thinking about a lot of things recently. For some reason, a trip to Trinidad always gives me some sort of revelation of what's happening in my life. I guess that's another reason why I look forward to my trips back there almost every year.

Friendships are precious things, aren't they? But not many of them stay with you for as long as you'd like. People change. There will always be people around to help out and many acquaintances to be made, but how many are true friends? People grow apart as they grow in life. Our experiences make us who we are. Sometimes people grow closer with change. We are who we are. We can't always flow smoothly along the river just because we want to. There are things that we have no control over. So when it's time to let go, then we must learn to do so.

Letting go can be painful. But if there's a person bringing down your good moods and is just being a constant drag on your spirit, then it's necessary. Such a person can only be holding you back being the best you can be and holding you back from spreading your wings, whether they're aware of it or not. Nobody deserves to be unhappy. Chaos and confusion - no thanks. A simple talk can lead to an argument and I much prefer to avoid confrontations such as those. I like it when everyone can get along without one person trying to take charge. Of course, reality is what it is and humans are unpredictable beings.

Change is a part of life. We all need to learn to accept it and move on. It doesn't help to live in the past.